Discontinued Negima X-Overs
by Racke
Summary: Exactly What It Says On The Tin. The collection includes both Naruto and Harry Potter as of yet, but might actually have one or two chapters of pure Negima somewhere down the road.
1. Scarred Fox of Mahora

Scarred Fox of Mahora

**Summary: An eight year old and severely mentally scarred Naruto gets landed in the Negimaverse. Will he heal? And how will class 3-A react to a child with an actual people-phobia?**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

Naruto curled tighter into a ball, trying to lessen the repeated impacts.

His breath was coming in ragged hisses, he couldn't see anything but the blotches of blurry color that exploded across his retina, he couldn't hear anything above the uneven thumping of his own heart, he tasted only sticky iron, he smelled only blood, and he felt nothing but pain.

Pain, upon pain. Pain that never went away. Pain, inside and outside. The pains were different but present all the same. Naruto's world was filled with nothing but pain.

Pain and fear. Terror at the realization that the thumping of his heart was growing quieter, terror at the realization that he was dying, terror at the thought that he wouldn't survive.

Naruto's life wasn't the best of lives, certainly, but he wanted to live. He wanted to live. He wanted to breathe, he wanted to drink, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to love, he wanted to be loved.

Few things can truly compare to humanity's need to survive. The pure unquenchable will to _live_.

And so, as cruel faces twisted into a mockery of pleasure continued attacking an innocent child in their eternal quest to find someone to blame, Naruto reached out and grabbed on to the tiniest glimmer of hope.

The voice that sounded like a monster, the voice that whispered of safety, the voice that roared in outrage at his treatment. The voice of a demon.

The twisted faces in the crowd had barely enough time to blink before their lives ended, their very souls being used as fuel for something that shouldn't have been possible, something that not even the Kyuubi should've been able to do.

But in strange times, even death might die, and when the Kyuubi _leaped_ for safety, the world twisted underneath them. And when they landed, it wasn't there anymore.

The last thing Naruto saw before losing consciousness completely was a rugged-looking man dropping his cigarette as his eyes widened in horror.

The Kyuubi, on the other hand, merely whimpered as the connection to the world that always forced a bijuu to reform after the death of their host was suddenly cut off.

It was at this moment that the greatest of the bijuu realized that perhaps it would be best to make absolutely certain that its container never died. Because the Kyuubi had lived long, and had really been planning on living for a long time yet. And now its life was forever tied to that of a mortal child.

Ironic, perhaps, that the greatest of the bijuu would manage what none of the others ever had, and actually kill itself.

XXX

Takamichi T. Takahata frowned as he listened to the nurse that was currently explaining all of the child's wounds.

He didn't know where the blond boy had come from, suddenly dropping out of what almost looked like a tear in the world, but it was clear that he was human, and that he was young. Barely Negi's age if he'd have to guess, though the malnourishment that the nurse spoke of might disprove that.

Regardless, that a boy of such a young age was exposed to what sounded a lot like something an angry mob would've done, made Takamichi feel a great desire to turn an angry mob into a very dead mob right about now.

The dean had of course been called, what with the boy's strange entrance to Mahora. So had Evangeline, as a protector of the barrier, though the blonde vampire was glaring at a wall with the unseeing eyes of someone remembering unpleasantness. There were others there, a few of the magical teachers, some independent contractors, like Mana. But there weren't many.

The boy wasn't a danger to anyone, at least for the moment. Hell, the boy was barely clinging to life, and if the nurse was to be believed it would take him weeks to get enough feeling back into his limbs that he might start relearning how to move.

Sighing heavily, Takamichi wondered what would become of the small boy.

Would they find someone to adopt him? Would they leave him in an orphanage? Would they transport him back to whence he came? Would they drag him into a class somewhere? Would they simply let him go off on his own?

He doubted that the dean would do anything less than everything in his power to let the boy live a normal life. Or as normal as his life was ever going to become with the memories that would almost certainly haunt him.

Should they erase his memories? Perhaps, but it would be best to at least wait before attempting it, drag the boy away from the brink of death, before digging around in the boy's mind.

He briefly considered if he should tell Negi about this, but shook the thought off. Negi might be intelligent, but he was still young, still innocent, there was no need to taint his belief in humanity any more than necessary.

XXX

When Naruto opened his eyes, it was to the surprised faces of many a nurse.

He shouldn't have been conscious quite yet. In fact, they'd been counting on him being unconscious for at least a few more days. The fact that the first thing he did was struggle into a sitting position was enough to make them call in the dean. Because the boy shouldn't have been able to manage that for another month, if he was lucky.

Their curiosity over his odd ability to heal himself far beyond what should've been possible was put somewhat on hold as they realized that the second thing the boy did after opening his eyes to the world was to try to run.

It wasn't the attempted escape of someone that disliked hospitals – heaven knows that they'd gotten more than a few patients like that in the past – but rather that of someone finding themselves face-to-face with monsters in a far-away place.

It was disheartening to see such terror in someone so young.

So, whilst nobody knew for certain what the boy had been exposed to, it was quickly decided that it would most likely be best to simply erase his memory completely. Give him a fresh chance at life. The dean was especially perturbed as the boy's reaction to magic was to try to escape faster.

Regardless, their decision proved... impossible.

No matter who casted the spell, no matter what variation of the spell that they used, no matter how much power they poured into it, the boy's mind never budged an inch.

It shouldn't have been possible, and yet it'd happened.

By now, there were a lot of questions on where someone like him could've come from. A child that had been severely injured falling out of a rip in the world, healing at a pace that reminded the assembled more of Evangeline's regeneration than anything human, and with a mind that couldn't be touched by magic. Add on to that, the odd aura that one of the teacher's had managed to pick up – similar to that of a demon, yet oddly distant – and you had a very intriguing person in your hands.

Many tried to calm the boy. Grandfather figures were shied away from, big brother figures was responded to with flinches, mother figures brought naught but terror. It was as if the boy had nobody left to believe in.

Finally, at their wits end, they let Evangeline into the room. Not to comfort the boy, but rather because she was used to deal with people who were terrified of her, and the rest of the staff wasn't.

Yet, the moment the Dark Evangel crossed the threshold, the boy who'd crawled into a corner and refused to budge, looked up with a slightly confused expression.

He didn't scream. He didn't flinch. He didn't shy away from her.

She blinked at the odd reception in comparison to what the others had been given.

Then she met his eyes.

Not Human, they seemed to say. Not Human means Not Pain.

And in that moment, for the first time in a longer time than she could remember, Evangeline AK McDowell cried for the suffering of another person.

XXX

Naruto wasn't sure what it meant, but he was warm in the golden-haired Non Human's arms.

She was crying. Though for what, he didn't know.

Naruto didn't cry. He wasn't sure he remembered how to. There was no reason for him to cry, since no matter how long he did so, nobody would be there to comfort him.

Instead he slowly, awkwardly, put his arms around the Non Human in turn. He wasn't sure if he was doing it right, he'd never really had a chance to practice doing this. Contact without pain, such a foreign concept.

Perhaps the Non Human noticed his problems, because she cried harder.

It was at this moment that a very strange thought occurred to Naruto.

She was crying for him. For his sake, she was in tears.

That made him feel warmer, yet it made his chest clench painfully. He wasn't really sure what that meant, but he was used to pain, and he'd suffered worse. So he simply ignored it, and allowed the Non Human to sob into his chest.

When she finally calmed down, her tears drying, she told him her name was Evangeline.

It was a strange name, Naruto thought, but she was Not Human so perhaps different rules applied to her name?

"Naruto." He responded with a voice cracked from lack of use and sore from screaming, introducing himself to someone else for the first time in his life.

XXX

Takamichi was seriously confused.

He'd known Evangeline for a long time, and he'd never seen her as the type to show pity regardless of the cruelty that she saw. She might, potentially, lend a helping hand to someone, if she happened to be passing by anyway, but to suddenly start crying and hug a small child that looked to be in pain?

It was absurd.

Yet, watching the boy's awkward attempts at comforting the crying vampire, he found himself wondering what the boy could've seen in her to allow her so close. Surely not that she was similar to him in age, they'd tried that already – with an illusion, but still – and he doubted that it was something to do with her simply being too pretty to fear.

Hell, the only thing he could think of was the fact that this was the first one entering the room that wasn't human.

…

Takamichi's unlit cigarette fell from limp lips as his eyes widened in horror.

Could the boy actually be so terrified of humanity that he'd rather be in proximity to a _vampire_?

Glancing over at the dean, he found him with a frown on his face, obviously thinking something along the same lines.

XXX

It wasn't in any doubt after their first meeting, but Naruto was placed into the care of Evangeline.

Hopefully, he'd recognize Chachamaru as Not Human as well, which ought to help him get along with the gynoid. Though, she'd probably have to seal away Chachazero to keep the small doll from ranting about blood and destruction. The boy didn't seem like he'd be able to handle that.

In fact, as they made their way towards her cottage, Naruto holding on to her sleeve in a white-knuckled grip that might've seriously injured a normal person's fingers, the boy was using her as a shield of sorts. Someone to hide behind when he spotted people in the distance – he had pretty good eyes for that sort of thing, too – and at the same time his guide towards a place where he wouldn't be surrounded by Humans.

On a purely aesthetic basis, he looked adorable. But that didn't really make his situation any less saddening.

What had this boy done for humans to respond by forcing him to fear them so badly?

She supposed that it might be related to the demonic aura that seemed to be leaking into his own, but in what way? Was he merely something different for them to turn on, or was there some other reason?

XXX

Chachamaru wasn't sure of what to make of the blond boy that her master had brought home.

First she'd been worried that her master had gone off the deep end and started to kidnap children, but after comparing her behavior with that of the Iincho of 3-A, it was deemed highly unlikely.

Chachazero however had ignored all possible implications about their Master and proved herself to be quite enthusiastic about greeting the boy with her usual spiel of destruction and mayhem.

The clearly startled boy looked at the doll oddly for a few moments, before almost shrugging, shaking off whatever impact that the demand for blood and destruction had caused.

That was odd.

Not even Takahata-sensei could fully suppress how uncomfortable he was whenever her 'elder sister' started in on her rants, and yet this young boy didn't seem to have much of an issue with it at all.

Her master looked equally confused, but allowed it to slide with nothing but the slightest of frowns.

The blond boy's name was Naruto, and he seemed... uncomfortable with Chachamaru's presence.

He could shrug off the rantings of a homicidal doll, he clung to her undead master with the desperation of a drowning man, and yet he was clearly uncomfortable with her own unobtrusive presence.

It took her much calculations and observations before she realized the reason.

She wasn't Not Human. She just wasn't Human. Her existence did not reject humanity, it did not superimpose itself over their image. In the cottage, she was the closest thing to a human that the boy could find. And he was clearly not comfortable with that.

The realization awoke a strange mixture of signals inside of her. The gears in her chest 'hurt', and her targeting system kept looking for hostiles despite how there obviously weren't any. At the same time, she felt... warm, at the thought of almost reaching humanity.

XXX

Naruto had been surprised by the small doll that shouted of death and blood and battle.

He had never seen a talking doll before. It was... unusual.

Still, it's shouting sounded... restrained. As if it did so mostly to shock its audience and laugh at their faces. It was something that he could understand. Naruto had been pretty good with pranks, once. Before the strange world, and before the warm Non Human took him away from those who wished him Pain.

The fact that his subconscious found her similar to an immense fox, that he'd once seen in his dreams hidden behind bars, didn't really register. Nor did he bother registering the Killing Intent that she aimed at him, because on that same subconscious level he knew that he'd stood before a creature infinitely more horrifying and found it sympathetic – if a bit bloodthirsty and generally cruel.

His meeting with the taller girl with green hair was a bit odd though.

A part of him screamed that this was a Human and that he needed to get away from her because she'd bring him Pain. A part of him soothed him saying that she wasn't Human, and that the Non Human next to him wouldn't let her bring him Pain. She'd told him so, after all.

In the end, he found himself cautiously wary of her presence.

XXX

Eva sighed as she sat down on his bed.

He had been having nightmares, waking up screaming several times, and he hadn't even considered finding comfort in another.

Whatever had been done to the boy, neglect had clearly taken part in it. He didn't understand how to comfort people, or how to reach for comfort himself, he didn't understand why he should cry, and he didn't comprehend kindness.

It reminded her a little bit of what she might've been if she hadn't known anything but the struggle to survive. She could still remember her childhood, though blurry from the time passed and full with holes, her childhood had been a simple one, an ordinary one. It was her second birth that brought her the name of the Dark Evangel simply for staying alive.

No, she remembered kindness, she remembered touch, she understood why people cried, and she knew how to reach for comfort. She'd just been forced to outgrow the need a very long time ago.

But he needed comfort, he needed to truly understand what it was that had been denied him, and so she sat at his bedside, her hand gently brushing his face, smoothing out his frown, and letting him rest peacefully.

XXX

Negi wasn't sure what Takamichi had meant when he'd told him that Eva was taking care of someone and would therefore be excused from classes for a little while.

Eva might be kind of nice in her own way, but to leave someone in her care? It sounded like a recipe for disaster. And yet Takamichi had explained that she was the only one who could do it with an absentminded scowl on his face.

Either this meant that whoever was in her care couldn't be trusted and so they dropped them on Eva for her to keep in line, or it meant that they were somehow in need of her expertise. Considering that Eva's expertise was related to dark magic, dolls, ice, and vampirism, Negi was understandably worried about her new charge.

Still, he had been scheduled to receive training in her resort, and since he hadn't been informed that it had in any way been canceled, he would be dropping by her cottage. If she told him to get lost, he'd leave, if she told him to get started on more of her torturous training, he'd train.

He appeared at his master's home with a slight wariness, and Chachamaru let him in after a brief blink that most likely signified immense calculations of probability.

He found Eva on the couch, reading a book.

Next to her, almost, but not quite, sitting in her lap, was a blond boy that looked a bit younger than himself.

Negi felt his jaw drop open as he realized that Evangeline was actually reading the boy a story of some sort. And if her occasional prodding was any indication, she was at the same time trying to teach the boy how to read.

This was absurd, but the truly awe-inspiring part was that she did it all with the gentle tone of a mother, something that Negi had been absolutely certain that the vampire would never be able to replicate.

He wasn't entirely sure how long he stood there, but when Eva finally noticed him – or bothered with reacting to his presence – he was somewhat startled by the flinch of the blond boy, almost as if he was afraid of him.

Which was even more absurd, because the boy wasn't scared of _Evangeline_, and Negi was like way nicer than she was!

XXX

Naruto wasn't certain of what to think of Negi Springfield.

He was Human, yet he obeyed the Non Human.

Naruto had much easier to understand the 'resort'. It was cool. Really really cool. And it contained non Humans slightly more removed from humanity than Chachamaru was. It was a good place, even if trying to understand the mechanics of being smaller and having the experienced time sped up, really gave him a headache.

The Human worked very hard. Throwing arrows of light into the sky, blowing things up, running from Eva, fighting against Eva, letting Eva suck his blood.

Naruto couldn't really understand the Human called Negi Sprinfield, who would talk about the Non Human attending his class, and how the rest of the class missed her. It was strange, to imagine a Non Human going to school.

Regardless, as long as he was here, he was safe. Eva had said so, after all. So the Human couldn't bring him Pain here.

Maybe he should train too?

XXX

Eva smiled, a small but true smile, as Naruto asked to be included in the training.

He wanted to become stronger, and he seemed... wary, yet accepting of Negi's presence.

He wasn't beyond help, he could still be taught to view Humans neutrally, though she supposed that he would never trust one without knowing them first.

Negi also responded positively to receiving a training partner, although in his case it might simply be an attempt to limit the amount of time that Eva could spend pummeling her apprentice into the ground.

XXX

Negi wasn't sure how he felt about Naruto.

On the one hand he made Eva act all oddly – kind, gentle, patient, accepting, sad – and on the other hand he acted oddly himself – flinching at touch, his back never against Negi, only acting fractionally warmer to Chachamaru, yet believing himself safe in Eva's presence.

Naruto also didn't have any magic, yet never seemed truly awed at its existence. As if he'd always known that it was there, just not that it would cause quite that big of an explosion.

He was timid, yes. He hid behind Eva, yes. He was awkward at social interaction at the best of times, certainly.

But blow something up, and his eyes would fill with the same slightly dementedly glee-filled sparkle that Negi had seen in his own mirror-image. The boy liked flashy things, the boy wanted to grow stronger, the boy refused to give up, and there was something horribly wrong in the boy's past.

Negi remembered how he himself had acted after he'd been saved by his father as the demons attacked his village, and the terror-induced paranoia that he remembered had left him jumping at shadows for years afterwards, shone through even brighter in Naruto's body.

Naruto wasn't certain how he was still alive, he didn't trust people, and yet he seemed impossibly calmed by Eva's presence.

Finally, Negi managed to work up the courage to ask his master why.

"I'm Not Human." Eva commented in a voice filled with bitter irony. "He has nothing to fear from me. You, on the other hand, are Human, you he will fear."

"Wha-? What do you mean?" Negi frowned in concentration.

"He wasn't attacked by demons, boya. He was hunted down by Humans." She chuckled darkly at Negi's horrified look. "He doesn't want vengeance though, he doesn't even seem to comprehend the concept. He just wants to be away from Humans." She paused, scratching her chin. "I think he wants the power simply because he doesn't want to be defenseless, rather than to use it in order to lash back." She shrugged. "I suppose that might make him inherently better than me."

This was the moment when Negi truly realized for the first time in his life that humanity didn't consist completely of nice people. And perhaps, some of them could prove far crueler than the Undead Mage herself had ever been, when given the chance.

XXX

Nodoka, Asuna, Yue, Konoka, Setsuna, Ku Fei, and Asakura. Seven girls, all made their entrance in Eva's resort at once. Searching for their teacher and an explanation for his exhaustion.

Thankfully, Naruto spotted them from far away and fled to a safer distance.

Not quite so thankfully, he was still spotted by the enthusiastic members of 3-A, who would've immediately hunted him down to get an introduction, if Eva hadn't mercilessly blasted away anyone attempting to approach him.

"What the hell was that for you damn chibi!?" Asuna proved the problematic aspect of her ability once again by suddenly finding herself without clothing. She wasn't pleased.

"Don't get close to him. Don't touch him." Eva growled out in a voice that forcefully reminded all those present that there was a reason for her name inspiring fear in so many.

Needless to say, the girls were confused.

"He has a phobia for people." Negi tried to explain, hoping to convey the point of staying away from the blond boy without his students getting themselves blasted away a second time.

"A phobia for people?" Nodoka could almost understand that, as she was generally very shy around people, but this was a bit extreme.

"He has had some issues with Humans before." Eva stated in a voice that spoke of exactly what she wanted to do to those people. "He seems to have developed an instinct for recognizing Non Humans as a result. Which is why he's here."

"Eeeeh?" Asuna clearly didn't believe the vampire.

"Just stay away from him." Eva _snarled_ at her in response, her voice tinged with Killing Intent. "It was bad enough trying to get him to become 'neutral' towards the boya, I'm not going to try introducing him to groups of Humans anytime soon."

"Excuse me Evangeline-san, but why is he staying with _you_?" Setsuna phrased the question everyone wanted to ask in a far more polite fashion than some of those present would've done.

"I'm Not Human. He's not scared of me. Hell, he's not scared of Chachazero." She frowned a little at that. "But he's still wary around Chachamaru, and he'll avoid Negi if at all possible." She paused as everyone stared at her in disbelief, before stating in a tire voice. "Setsuna would actually scare him the least, I think. But you're still far too Human for him to trust you."

"Wait, he's not scared of the homicidal doll, or the undead vampire, but he's scared of _Negi_?" Asuna couldn't quite hide how ridiculous she thought that was.

Eva sighed. "I don't think a Human has ever been kind to him." She sat back down, content with the girls not rushing after Naruto, and knowing that he would be putting more distance in between them. "He doesn't even understand the concept of kindness." She frowned. "All I know is that he dropped out of nowhere, virtually into Takamichi's arms, beaten to a pulp. In fact, his injuries were fairly similar to what the victim of an angry mob might experience."

By now, most of the girls had tears in their eyes. It was sad to hear such a story, even if you couldn't truly relate to it.

"Anyway, everyone they sent in to talk to him scared him senseless. Finally, they called me in since I'm used to dealing with people who are afraid of me." She sounded caught between amused and bitter at that. "But he wasn't scared at all. They'd tried _everything_ to calm him down and failed, I entered the room and he looked more curious than anything."

She omitted how she'd actually cried once she'd realized why, she had a reputation to consider after all. But by the time she'd reached how it was a marvel that he understood the language well enough to speak it, how seemingly bizarre it was that he even knew his own name, and that she'd been trying to teach him how to read by using bedtime stories – best to get that out in the air before Chachamaru or Negi put some much sweeter spin to it – the girls accepted Naruto's distance.

They still looked like they really wanted to hug him senseless, and then bawl into his shirt a bit, but they would let him keep his distance.

XXX

A non Human, five Humans, and one odd Human.

The odd Human was loud though, so he didn't really think her oddness was a good thing.

The non Human was close to especially one of the Humans, and so he wasn't sure if she could be trusted as much as Chachamaru. Betrayal was common place amongst Humans after all. Everyone brought Pain with them sooner or later. A non Human so in touch with a Human would be dangerous.

Still, they kept their distance after Eva talked to them. They couldn't bring him Pain in here. Not with Eva still here.

When the time came to sleep, Naruto found himself once again by Eva's bed.

He wasn't entirely certain why or when it'd seemingly become a routine that the blonde Non Human would read a story to him until he fell asleep, but that was alright. It felt nice.

XXX

When three slimes and a demon followed a former enemy into Mahora in their quest for Negi, Naruto got to watch the fireworks with Eva.

They stayed far away from the fighting, and Naruto wasn't scared of it for some reason, had actually never been scared of battle. It almost seemed to be in his blood, a warrior despite his fears.

Of course, there was no way he was getting _involved_ in the fighting since there were far too many Humans present. He didn't mind Negi any longer, the boy was... pleasant enough to be around, but that didn't mean he would trust him with his back anytime soon.

He found himself oddly jealous though, as he watched the not Human with dog-ears laugh with him, fight with him, struggle with him.

For the first time since he'd accepted his situation – to be hated by all Humans, to be betrayed by all Humans – he found himself lamenting what he'd lost. He found himself wanting something more.

Eva carefully noted the flicker in the boy's eyes, that flicker of want, that flicker of hope, that flicker of despair. She understood. She hoped that he'd heal, and that perhaps one day he could meet the madness that was Class 3-A with little more than an obvious flinch of discomfort.

He was someone who liked people. He had a heart bigger than most.

What must've been done to him for even he to close himself off from the world... it didn't bear thinking of.

XXX

**A/n: I started writing this because I thought that it'd be interesting to see how this Shy!Naruto would fit in with Negi(Polite Friendly), Kotaro(Rough Friendly), and Fate(Cold Detached), as well as how the Kyuubi might affect Naruto when it tries to turn him and it immortal. Then I got distracted by writing a sweet Eva and trying to understand just how the mind of an absolutely Fractured Person would view the world.**

**I'm still fairly pleased with the result, though I couldn't convince myself to write anything to string the next few snippets of potential futures together. Hopefully, they'll be enjoyable anyways.**

XXX

XXX(Introducing Hakase Satomi)

Naruto wasn't sure what to think of Hakase Satomi.

She was Human, but didn't comprehend things like a Human. Her... personality, was Non Human, even if her existence was not.

To Naruto, this made her very confusing. She was a Human, and Humans brought Pain. Yet, she rejected all that was Human in favor of all that was Non Human.

He couldn't classify her.

A part of him tried to convince him that this was all a ruse, and that she was merely a very sneaky Human attempting to get closer to him. But Naruto didn't like that part of him, and if he expressed it, that part of him would usually make Eva sad, and Naruto didn't want that.

So, with careful wariness, Naruto followed her.

Hakase worked with Chachamaru sometimes, met with Humans sometimes, but no matter what she never seemed to reflect their behavior, despite their proximity to her. She was untouchable.

When she finally found him spying on her, she looked at him like a puzzle, before shrugging and going back to her research.

He wasn't sure how long he watched her working, but when Chachamaru finally arrived to take him back, it was already dark outside.

Once they made it home, Eva explained the concept of 'curfew' to him, since apparently she didn't want to send off Chachamaru to pick him up every time he decided to stick around in Hakase's lab.

XXX

Hakase noted neutrally that the blond boy was following her.

She wasn't sure why he was doing so, and she didn't particularly care, as he wasn't interfering in what she enjoyed doing. Namely, with her experiments.

She doubted that the boy was actually Eva's little brother. After all, Evangeline was a centuries old vampire, which meant that her parents would've long since been dead and buried. Therefore, they were at the very least not brother and sister through blood – even _if_ they shared the same hair color. It was however possible that the girl had adopted him somehow, though how that would work, and why she would do so was something of a mystery. Perhaps related to his trauma.

It didn't matter.

Hakase was currently working on a dozen different projects, most of which would've made the other members of the Science club's heads spin. Except for Chao, but she was special so she didn't count.

When Chachamaru suddenly arrived at... whoa, was it that time already? Man, she really should make herself some kind of alarm clock one of these days. Anyway, Chachamaru carefully escorted the boy away, meaning that he must've been watching her work for hours.

Interesting kid.

Hakase shrugged, before turning back to her work. She still had a few hours before there was any _immediate_ need for sleep, she could totally finish what she was doing before then.

XXX

XXX(Introducing the Narutaki twins)

Naruto didn't like the twins. They were Humans, and there were always two of them. Almost identical, but not quite. It made him think that a third one was hiding somewhere, waiting for him to lower his guard.

They didn't seem particularly fond of him either, even if they did stick to Negi a lot more than what Eva said was 'normal behavior'. Maybe it was because they couldn't prank him.

That was a different reason that he didn't like the twins. They were... frustrating.

Naruto knew pranks, he understood pranks, he could remember endless variations of pranks. Their repetitive and unimaginative attempts paled in comparison, and yet they were so revoltingly smug about them.

Chachamaru had tried to tell him that what he felt about their pranks was 'professional pride', but whilst he was sure that his pride might be part of his dislike for them, there was something different there too.

A sad, empty, hatred.

He watched them. Smiling, laughing, joking, pranking, playing. Never serious, never afraid, never hated, never ignored.

He watched them, and he _hated_.

Naruto wasn't entirely sure what it was he hated; if it was them, or himself, or where he'd come from, or his situation. It was all a horrible jumble of Bad stuff. But he knew that it came when he watched them, and he hated that feeling of hating, so he would avoid the twins when possible.

Eva called it 'jealousy'. The hatred of watching another's happiness whilst knowing that it could never be yours.

Naruto wasn't sure what he felt so jealous of, they were horrible at pranking. Useless, really. Yet the feeling never left him, and it always lingered, sad and broken and angry.

XXX

The twins didn't like Naruto.

It wasn't that their pranks didn't work on him – though that was certainly annoying – but rather that when they failed, he looked at their attempts as if they were pathetic.

They might be idiots, they might be childish, they might be annoying, and they might not understand everything, but they were proud of their pranking prowess. And Naruto acted as if they were amateurs attempting, and failing horribly at pretending, to be professional.

Which is why their attempts never truly ceased. Prank, upon prank, upon prank. They would catch him, they would humiliate him, they would show him that they were worthy of their title as pranksters.

Sure, they understood that Naruto was uncomfortable with people. His reaction to Ayaka being one of the most glaring proofs of it. They'd all been shocked when instead of hiding behind Negi – which probably wouldn't have done much, come to think of it – the blond boy had curled up behind Eva.

A glaring Eva who looked like she was inches away from hurting someone.

It was only after Naruto had been explained as being the scary girl's little brother that people finally accepted her protectiveness of him. And after hearing of his phobia, it was unanimously decided to allow him to keep his distance.

Then the class stripped Negi, laughed about it, got in trouble for it, and proved themselves to be accepting of Naruto's chosen distance.

That didn't mean that the twins wouldn't prank him though. Even if, admittedly, they'd been somewhat nervous of what Eva might do to them if she found out about it. Turns out, she didn't care, as long as they didn't involve being surrounded by people. Apparently she didn't want his phobia to resurface.

Either way, the twins had come up with the decisive plan of setting up pranks around his sleeping form. It wouldn't involve people, and everyone knew that a recently awoken person wasn't nearly as perceptive as they ought to be. No way was he going to be able to avoid it.

So, they made their way into his secluded room, carrying buckets of paint, lots of string, some balloons, and a whistle. And found a boy whimpering in terror at dreams that they didn't know of.

That made them pause.

They didn't like Naruto, they wanted to prove their prowess at pranking, and they were scared enough of his big sister to keep from going too far, but that didn't mean they wanted to watch a little kid crying in his sleep whilst begging for mercy.

Exchanging glances, Fuuka shrugged and Fumika nodded.

And so it came to be that they tried to comfort their sleeping enemy. His whimpering quieted, his tears stopped flowing, his face relaxed, he slipped deeper into sleep.

But by then, they didn't have enough time to set up their pranks, and so they hurried their way out, cursing silently that the boy had to look so horrifyingly adorably vulnerable when he slept.

Neither of them knew that Naruto's dreams of flight and terror had been replaced with angry Humans being caught in pathetically unimaginative pranks.

But they were confused, that when next he avoided their traps, when he foiled their attempts, he smiled, his lips twitching upwards in a decidedly amused way. Then he mused somewhat loudly on how it could've been done _better_, all the while pointedly ignoring their own presence.

First, they were offended that he thought that he could give _them_ pointers, that he would actually mock them in public. But then his eyes swept over them, and they saw it in his eyes. A challenge, to reach further, to become better. A challenge, to them as inexperienced students from a master of the art.

When he left, his steps a fraction lighter than they'd ever seen them, Fuuka looked at her younger sister, and as their eyes met they both realized something for the first time.

If they succeeded, they were going to have Evangeline as their sister-in-law.

And it'd be _worth_ it.

XXX

**A/n: Trying to consider what kind of pactios to grant the twins, I finally decided on something like distorting Reality, and distorting Illusions. In large part due to Naruto becoming part-kitsune because of Kyuubi trying to stay alive.**

**Below is what I could imagine them being especially useful for.**

XXX(Twins with Pactio facing off against Tobi)

Both of the twins knew that it was an enemy the moment they saw him. And from the instincts honed within Eva's resort, their artifacts distorted him before he could speak. Only, he was already distorted, and the distortion was slamming into their own in a very unsettling way.

His distortion spoke of fire, of souls, of horrible agony, of defiance of death. It was to distortion what insanity was to the mind. It was poison and disease, it was absolutely revolting.

Their distortions fought, battled each other, and canceled each other out.

But Naruto was there, and he would protect them. That they knew.

The first moment that Naruto turned his violet eyes towards the man in an orange mask, he knew that this was an enemy. For the silent instincts of the Kyuubi were no longer silent, no longer subtle. They roared. Like an ocean crashing down from the heavens, like a fire devouring all in its wake, like storms rippling never-ending across the sky, like the very earth tearing itself to pieces, the sound deafened him.

Violet eyes glowing eerily, Naruto the Kitsune raised his hand against the masked Uchiha, and he spoke with a voice distorted by hatred and power and unbridled _fury_, for this man had come here, this man had followed him, and his existence threatened his precious people.

"**B**_**u**__r_n."

And he burned, his distortion unable to steal him away from the blue flames of fox fire; he burned, the sound of his screams devoured as greedily by the demonic flames as flesh and bone; he burned, silently, mercilessly, until there was nothing left but dust that scattered in the wind.

By the time the others arrived at the scene, they found a blackened crater, and Naruto gently rubbing Fumika's back with Fuuka keeping her sister's hair out of the way as she emptied her stomach once more.

XXX


	2. A Failed Retirement

A Failed Retirement

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

Harry looked around at those gathered.

He'd saved them all, vanquished the evil one, saved whatever damsels there was left to save, won the hearts of pretty much everything – there was a rumor that centaurs had been spotted fighting over his autograph – and his life-long dream of living a quiet life had pretty much completely gone down the drain.

Dammit. Why did these kinds of things always happen to him?

The Minister stepped down from the podium, gesturing for him to speak.

Harry hated giving speeches. Moving the troops in the middle of a war, he could do that, no problem. Speaking to the masses in peace-time? He'd rather fight another basilisk. He was good at that, it was really very simple, put the pointy thing in the really really really small sensitive spot that lead straight into the thing's brain.

It was odd, he supposed. A lot of people tended to look at him oddly once they realized that he was being absolutely serious about that. Sure it was a pretty small target, and you couldn't really aim at it due to the snake's eyes, and there was a high chance of getting bit with fangs covered in the most potent venom in existence, but at least it was easy to know if he was doing it right, and what he was supposed to do if he wasn't. Simple.

Grumbling softly to himself about annoying politics, Harry took the stage.

"Hello." He started, knowing that he was probably doing something wrong, but really not having a clue as to what it might be. "I-..." He was supposed to be introducing some new law, explain to them all that this was a law that their hero believed in, and that they as such should believe in it too.

He couldn't remember which law it was.

He didn't care about politics, he hadn't really cared about any of the laws that they'd been driving home for the last few years. Not that they were bad laws, or that there were too many blatant loopholes that only purebloods could sneak through, it was just a general numbness that had been settling over him ever since he'd run out of Hermione's original laws.

God, he missed her. If ever there was a girl that could've changed the entire world, that would've been her.

If Voldemort somehow managed to come back a third time, he would have to remember to make his demise more painful this time. Bloody git.

Still, with Voldemort removing the one girl whose beliefs he believed in – even if he thought that she might've been pushing a bit too hard at times, cough, SPEW, cough – he'd simply lost interest in changing how the system worked. Of course, that didn't mean that he hadn't helped along every project of hers that he could find, but ever since he'd run out, it seemed like he was merely going through the motions.

Damn, he was supposed to be speaking about the law. Which law was it?

"I-..." He paused, frowning. "I kind of don't feel like doing this anymore." He admitted honestly. "I had a very good friend who wanted to change the world, and I believe she had a point. But, she's gone, and this was _her_ dream." He looked up at the sky – there were always too many people listening to his speeches for them to be held within a building – a wry smile twitching at his lips. "Three of us. One wanted to change the world, one wanted to be famous, and I just wanted... freedom." He sighed.

Sweeping his gaze across the gathered, still cheerfully ignoring the minister, he wondered what he really ought to be doing. He drew a blank.

"I'm not free. I'm famous. I can't go anywhere without running into fans, important people keep asking me for advice, and can anyone ever actually imagine me working at some kind of job?" He snorted at the thought. "I'm stuck. I don't blame you for it, it's not your fault, but that doesn't make me any less stuck."

The audience looked very unsettled about this speech that nobody had predicted – nobody except a certain Hermione Granger watching it all on her Heavenly Definition TV and using her house elf Draco Malfoy as a footrest whilst sipping on her angelic butterbeer – but Harry couldn't really bring himself to care.

"I think... I'm going to retire." He chuckled. "I suppose this will be the last you'll see me. Take care of yourselves." He looked across the people, smiling mischievously. "Bye."

Then, with a loud crack, he was gone.

The Minister of Magic wasn't pleased, the people were only panicking slightly, and everyone lived a pretty much happy life from that day onwards.

XXX

It'd taken almost two years of research, but he was done. He'd finally found a way to get a permanent retirement from his heroic-ness, instead of dodging people and living almost entirely in the muggle world.

It was perfect.

A new name. A new face. A new world.

That last one had been forcefully added once he'd realized that even with a new face and name, he would _still_ either be recognized or end up saving some damsel in distress wherever he went – proving that it really was just his own damn luck and his resurfacing 'saving people'-thing. Basically, he needed to go somewhere really really far away to avoid this annoying problem of his.

Thus, a new world. Which was why he'd been researching for the last two years.

Suppressing the urge to cackle manically – Luna had gotten to him in his seventh year of Hogwarts, and had been very insistent on their maniacal-cackling-contests – he instead got started on writing out the magical circle needed with a mixture of chalk and his own blood. Harry didn't enjoy writing in his own blood, he had gotten this kind of nasty scar on hi hand from doing just that earlier on in his life, but it was a necessity in this case.

Finishing the circle – which had a lot of shapes that really _wasn't_ round within it – he stood up, moved to the center of the circle-thing, grabbed his wand tightly, and started pouring as much magic as he could into the ritual.

This was going to take a lot.

The circle lit up, the shapes within it spinning softly in a pattern that hurt the eyes to look at, and then fire raced through his veins, it felt like he was breathing ice, and his own voice which had been chanting the incantation was joined by what sounded a lot like a choir of something that probably weren't human.

Pain, dizziness, confusion, determination, exhilaration, horror, joy, nervousness. They all mixed into one, and then he blacked out.

XXX

The sky was really blue.

The fluffy white clouds looked kind of summer-ish, and he could see the green of grass through the corner of his eyes.

Wherever he was, it wasn't at the house he'd done the ritual. Because, even if the ritual had managed to fail horribly he wouldn't have been living in the grass but rather a giant crater. He was pleased by this.

He wasn't quite so pleased to note that his body burned like a weak Crucio, but beggars can't be choosers.

Struggling into a sitting position, he tried to figure out just where he'd ended up landing.

There was a slight chance that he'd accidentally gone to all of that trouble just to end up in America, but he'd been quite certain that that wouldn't be the case. More likely, he'd been worried that he'd end up in the middle of outer space and die within the first few minutes of arrival. So far, he was alive, in a place where grass was green, the sky was blue, clouds were white, and trees were frequently occurring.

He could live with a world like that. It would've been hard to adapt to a world where grass was violet, no matter how much Luna had trained him to be flexible with his attitude to the world.

Gritting his teeth against the pain, he tried to get to his feet, only to trip over his robe.

His clearly oversized robe.

What?

Harry had experienced many bizarre things over his many years; magic, ghosts, crazy people, soul-anchors, the Veil of Death, Draco being turned into a ferret. Lots of things, some good, some bad, some purely bizarre, and all of them something of a shock.

This was the first time he'd experienced being accidentally shrunk. He wasn't sure if he liked where this was going, he'd always been on the short side – whether it be genes or through neglect was anyone's guess – and now he was getting _shorter_? Clearly, this was a fantastic example of his own terrible luck.

Sending a prayer to the elusive Crumplehorned Snorkack – yeah, a bit too much time with Luna perhaps – that this was merely temporary, he struggled to his feet once more, this time making sure not to trip over his robe, or anything else that he happened to be wearing at this particular time.

His wand was safe, that was good, he hated the idea of having to try replacing it. His glasses were still functional, despite the spidery crack in one of the glasses, that meant he wouldn't stumble around _blindly_, which was always a plus. And after some brief modifications, he was now presentable in public, or as close to it as he was going to get whilst wearing an oversized robe – he'd never gotten especially good at resizing his clothing and really didn't think being stranded in the middle of nowhere as the perfect time to experiment on that particular spell.

Now he just needed to figure out where the hell he was.

Hopefully, it wouldn't be anywhere near Little Whinging, he'd been actively avoiding that place ever since he'd graduated and gotten rid of the Trace since he knew that he'd probably make the Dursleys' lives a nightmare, and he really didn't feel like enacting revenge. It would be too easy.

He wasn't really sure which way he should be exploring in though. Glancing around again, he saw something kind of odd. Even for him.

"Is that giant bloody tree _glowing_?" Clearly, that deserved some investigation.

Setting out in that direction, Harry would one day wonder if perhaps it wouldn't have been a lot better if he'd simply turned in the other way and run as far as his legs could carry him.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Harry would never be entirely sure. He set off towards the World Tree, hoping that its 'glowiness' would perhaps shed some light on this new world that he'd ended up in.

On his way there, he ran into a small blonde girl – she barely reached his nose, and he'd gotten really short – wearing something that looked like leather and strings, possibly leathery strings. Obviously, in his usual show of extreme social awareness, he called her on it.

"Doesn't that get cold?" He tilted his head as he took in her choice of clothing, not all that affected by its blatancy due to his overexposure to Luna.

"Wha-...?" She spluttered angrily at his genuine question.

"I asked if wearing leathery strings doesn't get cold? I mean, the sun's gone down, and I'm not feeling all that warm myself, and I'm wearing like three layers of clothes. Granted, they're pretty thin clothes, and I might at some point have used a cooling-charm on it to get away from the nargles, but the point still stands." He elaborated politely.

The girl stared at him as if he'd grown a second head. A reaction which might've been why he'd taken up the elusive Crumplehorned Snorkack as his religion in the first place. It was either that, or Luna had brainwashed him one morning through vigorous use of mad laughter and knock-knock jokes.

He was fairly sure that it had been the reaction, but you could never be certain with the potential of the Rotfang Conspiracy working behind the scenes. Though why they would ensure that their enemies would get reinforcement was a very good question.

God, but he missed her too. He should've taken longer with killing them. Then again, she would've most likely been proud of him managing to kill someone with a hair-curling spell. He guessed that the only reason Lockhart hadn't used it was in an effort to be truthful whenever someone asked if he used magic to enhance his looks.

"What the hell is a nargle?" The girl finally managed to vocalize through her indignant confusion.

"They generally live in mistletoe and jump down on people, clinging to them and bringing bad luck to their hosts." He explained seriously.

"Wha-...?" Her mouth moved, but no words came out, then she shook her head in an obvious attempt to clear it. "Never mind that! Who the hell are you?"

"Mickey Mouse." He answered with a straight face. He hadn't used his real name ever since he'd decided to retire, and he would admit to lacking somewhat in his naming pattern.

Clearly, the girl wasn't impressed with his obvious lie, but at least she wasn't obliviously asking for an autograph – which was always a risk whenever he used names like those on a pureblood – so Harry was willing to write it off as a partial success.

"Stud McMuffin." He instead answered with a sigh. In hindsight, perhaps he should stop trying to channel Luna whenever trying to think of a name.

The girl was developing a very telling twitch in her eyebrow. She looked just about ready to try and strangle him.

"Your _real_ name, brat." She growled out whilst visibly restraining herself.

"I've already given you _two_ and you haven't given me a single one, how is that fair?" He asked indignantly.

She looked moments away from screaming with rage. "You're trespassing!" In fact, now she _was_ screaming.

"Where?" He asked curiously, hoping to get a good hold of where his ritual had taken him.

"Gragh!" Throwing her hands up in the air in the universal sign of having moved beyond words, the girl stomped her feet in the ground in a particularly adorable manner.

"I mean, all I know is that the ritual was supposed to take me to a 'new world', but it's not like I knew where I'd end up." He sighed sadly. "Who'd have guessed it would take so much effort to be allowed to retire?"

The girl stopped her temper-tantrum, turning to him with a curious glint in her eyes.

"A 'new world'?" She tilted her head thoughtfully. "You went to an entirely new world just to retire? Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"I'm good with extremes, it makes life a lot easier. Either you go left, or you go right, or you throw a curve-ball and wander off into the woods." He paused, thinking his statement through. "We generally call ourselves 'crazy people'." He added helpfully.

She stared at him for a long moment, obviously trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about, before she apparently got distracted. "Wait, why the hell would you be retiring? You can't be older than like twelve."

Harry blinked.

Harry looked down at his oversized clothes and his cute, pudgy little hands, before looking back up at the sky.

"I _hate_ my life." He spat out with as much loathing as he could fit into the four words.

"You're older than you look?" She was smiling now, a sadistic curling of her lips that made him wonder if he should be turned on or running really fast in the opposite direction.

Considering that she hardly looked older than ten and he wasn't a pedophile, he was leaning towards fleeing. But, then again, she looked like she was ten, and he was fairly certain he'd faced off against scarier things during his twenty years of life.

He looked at that smile. Well, there was a _slight_ chance that he'd faced off against _something_ scarier... possibly.

"Yes." He responded plainly. "Though I suppose twenty-four would be an unusual time for retirement anyways..." He mused quietly.

"You tried to retire before you hit thirty, and when you couldn't, decided to go to an entirely new world? What's wrong with you?" She actually looked offended at his logic.

"I have a saving people thing." Harry admitted in a sad voice that wouldn't have been out of place in an AA-meeting.

"A saving people thing?" Her face was twisted into confusion as to how he could treat that as something to be guilty of.

"I think we only really realized it when I was twelve..." He sighed. "I couldn't just let her die, you know? Had to go fight the evil Dark Lord and his giant ancient snake, even if my only weapon was an old hat and a bird." He shook his head. "That's when a friend of mine first truly understood that I had a problem. We tried working on it, but I think it was already too late." He commented remorsefully.

The young girl looked at him as if he'd grown a second head, her mouth opening and closing like that of a fish on dry land, obviously at a loss for words.

"Now, where did you say we were?" He politely changed the subject.

"Mahora Academy, Japan." She answered in the dead voice of someone whose brain was too busy to notice what her mouth was saying.

"Japan? Weird." He paused, obviously realizing something odd. "Then why are you speaking English?"

"My name is Evangeline McDowell." She finally introduced herself, gathering her wits and gloating in that manner that said that she was used to people quaking in their boots at her name.

McDowell sounded like a very Scottish name, and even though Harry had never heard of a McDowell family, he _was_ in a new world.

He paused.

If he didn't know who _she_ was, and if the name was completely different from his own world, wasn't it possible that she didn't actually know _his_ name?

It was an absurd idea. Everyone knew his name, young and old, clever and dumb, they all knew his name. He couldn't remember the last time an introduction with his real name hadn't ended in them staring at the scar on his forehead.

"Harry Lovegood." He blinked. "Wait, no it isn't." He frowned. "Dammit Luna! Just because I joined the religion doesn't mean I joined the family!"

Evangeline stared at him in confusion, which was really becoming a regularly occurring expression with her.

He cleared his throat, trying to quell the blush rising to his cheeks at pretty much introducing himself as Luna's husband – not that she hadn't suggested it once or twice. "My name is Harry Potter."

The young girl considered him for a long moment. "Her name was Luna Lovegood, wasn't it?"

"Yes." He admitted in an embarrassed tone.

"I know the type." She nodded sagely. "They're impossible to get rid off." She got a far-off glean in her eyes. "Damn pervert won't die even if you kill him." She cursed silently.

Harry hadn't really minded Luna's presence, odd though it might've been at times, but he supposed that it was true that even in death she still managed to confuse him somehow. He found himself smiling sympathetically at the girl, at least Luna had been fun to be around, the mere thought of having a Luna that he _didn't like_ following him around was horrifying.

The girl suddenly startled. "Wait, stop distracting me! You're trespassing!"

"And you look like you're ten." He pointed out helpfully.

"Gah! I'm a vampire you brat! Respect me!" She yelled angrily.

Harry remembered vampires. Vampires were really nasty and had a tendency to smell. They also viewed blood magic as something so sacred as to not be used, which was the reversed but same outcome of the general public's standpoint. Harry didn't particularly like vampires as they kept trying to kill him for various reasons; perceived slights against their religion, him being tasty-looking, part of the job description – Chosen Ones never get good dental plans, by the way. And since they kept trying to kill him, Harry had found a fantastic amount of ways to kill them in response.

The girl in front of him didn't register as a vampire. This despite Harry having a lot of experience spotting them.

"No, you're not. A vampire would've set off my internal alarms." He explained absently. "Probably not human, I'll admit, but not vampire either." He tilted his head curiously. "Vampires are too... well, dead. You're... not quite alive, but hardly on the level of a vampire. It's a bit like comparing a vampire to an inferi, they're both undead, but to believe them one and the same is kind of stupid."

Evangeline's jaw had dropped open, her eyes wide as saucers as she stared at him.

He blinked curiously at her, trying to understand why she was speechless, before understanding dawned on him. How in the world does a twenty-something person know that much about undead creatures?

"Legacy of a misspent youth." He nodded to himself. "And I might've gotten yelled at by a very angry vampire after calling him an 'inferi with a blood-fetish'." He admitted with a shrug. "Still burned about as well, though." He mused.

"Inferi?" She asked, trying to comprehend.

"Oh? Ah, it's the wizarding name for zombies." He paused. "Zombies sounds a lot more edgy though. Might be the 'z', it always makes things edgier." Harry noted wisely.

She stared at him for a long moment. "I think I hate you."

"I actually get that a lot." Harry admitted. "Well, that or people asking for autographs. Bloody nutters." He muttered with a small frown.

Evangeline looked about to retort to this in what was sure to be a scathing manner, when she startled, turning quickly towards some distant distraction.

"Did anyone else come with you?" She asked in an eerily calm voice.

"No." Harry followed her eyes, staring at nothing.

"Then I suppose there are some more common trespassers. If you'll excuse me, I have a job to do." With a brief nod, she was off.

Harry glanced after her with an unusually somber face. "Dammit. It really is a problem, isn't it?" And with those words, Harry Potter, Savior of Magical Britain and all-around hero, set off after her.

He really needed to find some way to cure himself of his 'saving people'-thing, one of these days.

XXX

Harry stared at the gentleman who called himself a demon.

Harry didn't doubt the gentleman's truthfulness in this regard, because he certainly wasn't human, but he'd always imagined demons to be more... well, horny.

Heh, horny. Good one.

"Shouldn't we... I don't know, help them?" Harry suggested cautiously to the girl next to him, gesturing to the imprisoned – and quite nude – young women, and the two boys trying to rescue them.

"Let's see how far the boya has grown." Evangeline deflected his suggestion. "If he can't even beat this, then I'm glad to be rid of him as my apprentice."

Harry paused, turning around to meet the blonde girl's eyes. He'd never liked the idea of people being 'expendable', even if he could understand the expression, and had done his damnedest to fight against it whenever he encountered an individual who followed the principle.

Which would normally have made them enemies right about now.

Only, the way that Evangeline focused on the fight, it didn't look like she was considering tossing away her apprentice. It looked more like she was observing someone dear to her.

Smiling slightly at the idea of having such a dishonest teacher, Harry returned his attention to the fight.

"I suppose we'll have to wait then. Can't save the young ones from all of their problems." He paused, his smile growing wider, thinking back on a desperate rush for a bathroom as all other first years were herded back to their dorms. "Otherwise they'll never make any friends."

Evangeline almost winced, her eyes darting over to him in confusion, before grumbling slightly under her breath and ignoring him.

Harry, in turn, pointedly ignored the embarrassed blush that was rising on her cheeks. It would be rude to draw attention to such a thing, after all.

XXX

"So, who are you really?" The dean of Mahora Academy asked him curiously.

Harry had ended up following Eva once the young boys' battle had been over, and had as such been introduced to a man that seemed inches away from offering him a lemon drop. He wasn't sure what to feel about that, as the Rotfang Conspiracy had always so obviously been working through the old Headmaster by his attempts at rotting all his visitors teeth.

Still, the dean had yet to offer him lemon drops, his eyes weren't twinkling – instead being hidden under eyebrows the size of a quidditch pitch – and his head looked suspiciously deformed. Clearly, despite similar jobs, similar ages, and similar quantity of oddness, the man in front of him really didn't strike him as a Dumbledore.

Harry didn't really like Dumbledore. He didn't hate him either, the man had made many mistakes, stupid mistakes, and had ended up in a position where any mistake he made was instantly multiplied endlessly. So yeah, it was easy to blame Dumbledore for many things, but it wasn't his fault that the Wizarding World had taken a fancy to the idea of honoring him with heaps of important titles for doing something that didn't in any way fit into the titles' job descriptions.

Bloody wizards.

"I'm Harry Potter." He answered the man truthfully, deciding to treat him as a somewhat responsible headmaster of a large school where magic was kept secret.

"Yes, but who are you?" The dean inquired again, perhaps slightly amused.

Harry tilted his head curiously. "I'm Harry Potter." He stated in a vaguely confused tone before pausing, trying to word it better. "I'm a twenty-four years old wizard with a 'saving people'-thing and a general dislike for giving speeches. Realizing that I would be stuck giving speeches for the rest of my life, I decided to retire. I kind of failed, partly due to underestimating my own fame, partly due to being accidentally heroic on a repeated basis." He sighed sadly. "So, I decided that I needed to retire from my world in a slightly more permanent way. And the ritual that was supposed to take me somewhere new dumped me like this-" He gestured to his pre-pubescent body. "-here in Mahora."

All present in the room stared at him, either not believing him, or simply not understanding his motivations or actions.

"I see..." The dean frowned thoughtfully. "Do you have any useful talents?" He asked searchingly, obviously wondering what they were supposed to do with a dimensional traveler.

Harry pondered this question for a moment.

"I can confuse people?" He started hopefully, before continuing in a slightly scolded way as everyone continued to stare at him. "I'm a good flier, a decent chef, not bad at chores, and..." He paused, trying to think of something else. "I'm pretty good at surviving things that really should've killed me, and then killing them back." He finally concluded.

Everyone stared at him some more. Harry was used to it.

"'Surviving things'?" A grizzled man in glasses asked.

"Story of my life." Harry muttered bitterly. "Damn well gave me a nickname for it too, the ruddy gits."

"A nickname?" Eva asked curiously, obviously hoping to get some dirt on him after he'd been annoying her earlier.

"Not talking. Can't make me talk." Harry dutifully mimed zipping his lips close, locking them, and throwing away the key.

This raised a few more eyebrows in the crowd.

Eva made a miffed sound, before clearing her throat. "The Girl Queen of Darkness." She admitted with a frown.

There was a moment of silence, and then. "The Boy Who Lived." Harry answered with a resigned yet sympathetic sigh. "They changed it to 'Savior of Magical Britain' though, after that one time with the man who named his trouser-snake." He paused. "Not sure why Luna kept insisting that he kept that thing in his trousers in order to hide it from the world, his relationship with it was creepy enough as it was without adding weird names to it."

"You dealt with some guy with a snake in his trousers, and they named you savior?" Eva asked incredulously.

"Well, he was a bit of an asshole, what with killing people, and starting a war, and fanning the flames of prejudice and racism, and killing my parents before trying to kill my fifteen month old self in cold blood, and having all his followers use the government's blatant corruption in order to buy themselves out of jail, and torturing innocents as a way to pass the time." He paused, ignoring the horrified looks of those around him. "He also kind of looked really creepy, but that was mostly because he ripped apart pieces of his own soul in an effort to gain immortality, before getting banished into a wraith for over a decade and then being resurrected in a graveyard."

"And you... killed him?" The dean tried to clarify.

"It wasn't like I could actually avoid him." Harry pointed out. "So I tried talking some sense into him by dropping a mountain on his head. He admitted that I had a valid point." He tilted his head innocently. "Though he might've only been saying that because I turned the entire mountain into liquid rock through vigorous use of Fiendfyre, whilst he was still inside it. I think I actually heard him scream a little bit before it kind of turned into a gurgle."

Eva looked at him with a sort of appreciative face that he'd often gotten from people who'd done similar things to others. Or were just too generally desensitized by previous violence to bother with the morbid end.

"'Fiendfyre'?" The not-quite-a-vampire asked curiously.

"A flame that can devour souls." Harry noted absently. "It's considered somewhat Dark, and is really not very safe to use. Which was why I made sure to wear protective glasses when I lit the mountain on fire."

The dean stared at him for a moment. "You truly do think that confusing people is a talent of yours, don't you?"

"I've been working on it, like any good worshiper of the elusive Crumplehorned Snorkack should do." Harry stared up at the ceiling for a moment. "It's what Luna would've wanted." He added in a sad voice.

It was quickly decided that whilst Harry was obviously insane, he wouldn't be harming anyone since he would be too busy amusing himself by driving them up the walls. Therefore, the dean somehow managed to spin the entire conversation into some sort of job interview, which in turn led to Harry Potter gaining the title of 'Assistant English Teacher'.

Harry shrugged carelessly at spontaneously getting hired as a teacher at an all-girls school, pointing out that he'd had teaching experience previously and that he'd learned a lot more about Wrackspurts – and their mind-infesting properties – since then.

When Eva mentioned that it was still an _all-girls_ school, Harry kind of looked at her funny and asked if it was alright if he taught the nargles something too, since he thought it important for them to get a solid education.

Everyone just groaned and sighed. It was their own damn fault for hiring him.

XXX

Negi stared at the slightly older boy that was going to be his assistant.

Harry smiled encouragingly at him, holding out a necklace made of bottle caps as an obvious gift. "It's to ward off Wrackspurts." He explained.

Negi looked at the necklace, then at the smiling boy, then at the necklace, then back at the boy... He slowly, cautiously reached out and took the necklace in his hands. "Thank you?" He still looked fantastically confused.

"Ignore him." Eva said as she entered the classroom. "He's like an endless source of confusion and madness. Relatively harmless though."

Negi suppressed his surprise at Eva already knowing his assistant, and focused on something that bothered him a tiny little bit. "'Relatively' harmless?"

"I think she's referring to the point I was making when I dropped a mountain on top of Mister Mold In Shorts." Harry tilted his head in a suddenly confused manner. "Or was it You No Poo? It would certainly explain his mood..." He trailed off thoughtfully.

Negi wasn't sure whether to be confused, amused, horrified, or awed. He'd dropped a mountain on someone to 'prove a point'? That meant he must be really really strong, but at the same time it meant that he'd just casually mentioned dropping a mountain on someone as an acceptable way of proving a point. And even if the confusing name was certainly amusing, it felt like he'd missed the joke somehow.

"Don't worry, boya. He's got a 'saving people'-thing." Eva told him as she took her seat, Chachamaru still following silently in her wake.

"Umm... What does that mean, exactly?" Negi asked cautiously, still holding his newly acquired necklace in his hands.

"Dunno, but to hear him say it, it sounds like he's got an addiction for 'doing the brave and noble thing' whilst helping others." Eva shrugged.

"I've thought about seeing a therapist, but they keep pressing their emergency button the moment I enter the room." Harry pouted sadly.

"Why would they press the emergency button?" Negi asked with an innocent face.

"I would assume that it's the result of the Rotfang Conspiracy." Harry admitted with a small frown.

Negi opened his mouth to ask of what this conspiracy consisted of, but Eva interrupted him.

"Don't. Please, boya, don't ask him that. It hurts my brain." She whined childishly.

"Don't worry Eva, Pinky will save the day, and then tomorrow night you will both have a new plan to take over the world." Harry smiled cheerfully.

Negi opened his mouth once more, a glazed look of incomprehension settling in on his face, but this time Chachamaru interrupted him.

"It's inadvisable to ask for explanations if he confuses you. Confusing others is part of his religion." She warned her teacher in monotone.

Negi closed his mouth again, turning accusing eyes at his smiling assistant.

"Such is the way of the elusive Crumplehorned Snorkack." Harry nodded sagely.

Thankfully, before Negi could ask anything more of his insane assistant, the rest of class 3-A showed up.

Not quite so thankfully, the class 3-A showed up. In all their hyperactive glory.

"No way! We got another super-young cutie for a teacher! We rock!" Came the exclamation from somewhere in the back, or perhaps that was the front?

A girl with red hair and a notepad appeared before Harry. "What's your name?"

Harry tilted his head. "Harry Potter."

"What's your age?"

"About three quarters of orange seventeen, and slightly to the left of fifty-five." Harry answered calmly, as if that was a very sensible answer that everyone would understand.

The redheaded girl blinked, her professional look shattering momentarily before launching her next question. "Where are you from?"

Harry frowned minutely, concentrating. "Britain, the land of bizarrely bin-headed brown-nosers." He nodded to himself. "They tried to change the name, but the nargles ate all of their new signs..."

The class was by now thoroughly confused, and the redheaded girl in front of him looked to be in minor pain. Almost as if she was driving herself mad as she was coming to the realization that she couldn't tell if he was lying.

"What of your family?" She finally choked out.

"Ah, the trouser-snake-man gave them the green light when I was a baby, nobody talks about them anymore. Though my dad's doggy tried to tell me some of their stories, before he fell through a curtain... now nobody talks about him either." Harry looked a bit sad for a brief flickering moment.

The class was now both confused and slightly apprehensive. That didn't sound like he had a family, and if they were to go and psychoanalyze the behavior, they'd most likely put it under some manner of suppression of reality.

In fact, Negi looked near tears, the blonde who'd managed to almost pick a fight with another redhead with bells in her hair was crying openly, the redhead she'd been picking a fight with looked confused but sympathetic, and the reporting redhead was rapidly trying to process the new information.

"What's your religion?" Eva's tiredly annoyed voice echoed from the back, startling most of the class out of their confused melancholia.

"The worship of the elusive Crumplehorned Snorkack." Harry answered honestly. "Nobody has managed to find it yet, but then again, nobody has managed to _not_ not find it yet, so it must still be out there, waiting to be discovered."

The class gaped at their new assistant teacher, who appeared to believe that this was a fully logical argument, and couldn't understand why people wouldn't think so.

"Have you ever been in love?" Eva continued, overwriting the reporter's possible questions.

"Dunno. The psychiatrist jumped screaming through a window before he explained it to me." Harry admitted with a slightly peeved frown.

"Why do psychiatrists hate you?" Eva ignored the way the rest of the class was starting to get really really confused by her interest in the young boy.

Harry paused thoughtfully. "I think it's because I once accidentally introduced myself as Harry Lovegood and they told all their colleagues about it." His eyebrows knotted together cutely. "I think it's because of Luna's dad, something about not wanting to expose themselves to the Lovegood-madness." He tilted his head. "Or they might just have been offended when I told them of the nargles... you can never be too sure."

"Is your insanity contagious?" Eva asked, seemingly more as a formality than anything.

"Not any more so than my religion is." Harry shrugged.

"I'm done." Eva finally concluded. "Ask him whatever, my head hurts."

There was a brief period of silence – during which Negi tried but ultimately failed to bring attention back to what they were actually supposed to be doing – before the redheaded reporter finally returned to her questions.

"Right. Do you have any previous teaching experience?" She asked a professional question for once, much to the confusion of the class.

"I taught a secret study-group back in school, so I know a little." He nodded absently, as if he wasn't thinking much of what he was saying.

"A _secret_ study-group?" Asakura raised an eyebrow.

"Well, there was no point in making it an official one if we weren't allowed to have them." Harry pointed out with a shrug.

The redhead considered this for a while, obviously trying to understand why it wouldn't be allowed to have study-groups, it had definitely been one of Delores' more idiotic ideas. "Do you have any other experiences in life?"

"I robbed a bank once. It was fun." He scratched his head a little, not noticing the sudden intakes of breath in the class. "And I held a lot of speeches. Which wasn't fun." He blinked. "Then I retired. Which didn't work. Then I met Eva, and the dean gave me a job." He made a face. "Crazy old people."

XXX

The class of 3-A wasn't entirely sure what to make of their assistant teacher.

He was about the same age as their actual teacher, and absolutely adorable. But he was also completely insane, went off on strange tangents about things that made no sense, irritated Evangeline to no end, made all complicated technology within a meter-radius short-circuit – the notable difference being Chachamaru who simply got a weird tingling feeling whenever he was around – and he was _amazing_ at dodging their attempts at undressing him.

It was one thing to outrun Asuna. That was impressive, but hardly impossible. It was an entirely different thing to dodge the entire class as if it was moving in slow-motion, vault around the room as if gravity really couldn't be bothered to get out of bed that morning, and meld into the scenery as if through magic.

Negi was just as confused as they were however, so the magically aware part of the class concluded that it was unlikely that their English teacher would be turned into an ermine if Harry managed to accidentally reveal magic in his quest to remain dressed.

The fact that Harry seemed to know exactly who knew of magic, regardless of if they'd told someone of their suspicions or not, just served to further confuse all those present.

He was a great teacher though. Always seeming to understand how to phrase it for his students to understand what he was talking about. Of course, he would then continue on about weird things, but most of them had quickly learned to tune him out. It was just easier that way.

The most disturbing thing about him was perhaps how he and Chao kept having mad-laughter-contests. And how he kept _winning_ at them.

Nobody knew exactly where he was staying either, except for Sayo, but she wasn't going to tell anyone since she was having difficulties believing it herself – Eva having only made sure that he lived far away from her cottage and left it at that.

No, Harry Potter, the assistant English teacher of class 3-A, did not live with any of the students. And he had enough room that the only reason he didn't invite Negi to join him was because it was more fun listening to how he'd accidentally climbed into his roommate's bed again. The reason for all of this was that he'd brought a wizarding tent, and he'd set it up in a very much unused classroom, before warding the room enough that nobody would even consider remembering that it existed.

Harry lived a peaceful life, filled with everything from being at a height that allowed him to ogle the rears of teenage girls without getting caught, to exploring his newfound home. He especially liked the big glowing tree in his backyard. It went well with his carpets.

So, like always when Harry James Potter is in any way involved, something had to go and bollocks everything up. In this case though, the festival had cotton candy so it mostly evened itself out.

XXX

"So, this thing can go back in time?" Harry stared suspiciously at the clock.

"Umm..." Negi fidgeted uncomfortably. "How did you know that?"

"Oh, I met you later, then I met you earlier, then I remembered an old friend of mine. She was in two different classes at the same time." He shook his head fondly. "Always too happy to learn, that one."

"Your friend invented a time-machine to get to class?" The ermine asked in disbelief.

Harry chuckled. "'We could've been killed, or worse _expelled_.'" He nodded happily to himself. "We managed to corrupt her priorities somewhat though. At Fifth year she cheerfully decided to turn us all into criminals... I can't remember whose idea it was to rob the bank though..."

"You're a criminal?" Negi gasped in horror as he began to look around for someone to come and arrest him.

"Not really." Harry shrugged. "We got pardoned for it, since it was to help with the War... still not allowed in the bank though, they get touchy about it for some reason." He stared into the distance. "Might've been because I never returned that dragon that we rode out on..." He mused thoughtfully, before shrugging. "So, have you managed to save your past self's life and created a stable paradox yet?" He asked curiously.

"What? No! Of course not! That would be irresponsible!" Negi declared hotly.

"Really? Huh, well... that would certainly explain why she was so upset that I did it during my first trip." Harry scratched his chin in thought. "I always figured she was just jealous that I thought of it first."

XXX

**A/n: No idea where this was going, but it was fun to write a 'Lovegood-like' Harry.**


	3. Naruto as Asuna

Story: [Naruto as Asuna]

Summary: Fem!Naruto was sent to Mahora as a young, memory-blocked child, under a false name: Kagurazaka Asuna.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

Hiruzen Sarutobi sighed as the council once more demanded the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi's execution.

He loved Konoha, and its inhabitants, but sometimes he really wondered why he'd allowed himself to be dragged out of retirement. Damn blond geniuses that went and got themselves killed.

She was five years old by now.

Five years of being ostracized by the Village that her mere existence helped protect.

It was enough to give him trouble sleeping some nights.

His lips pressed together in a disapproving line, the Sandaime shook his head. "Unless you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Jinchuuriki's existence is in any way hazardous to the continued well-being of Konoha, your concerns will be dismissed."

The council grumbled, but didn't argue. They'd just ask him to allow it again some other day. Endlessly shaving away at his patience until he would hopefully fold himself to accommodate their desires.

Normally, Hiruzen wasn't really all that troubled by such a strategy, knowing full well that he wouldn't change his mind on this. He owed it to the Yondaime, after all. But he was suddenly struck by a very unpleasant thought.

If he were to get himself killed, and the council was allowed free reign for a long enough period of time, or if the next Hokage would be accepting of their demands... all his arguments would prove useless. All his attempts at allowing the girl to live a happy life would be for naught.

He couldn't allow that to happen, but how was he to stop it? It wasn't as if he could just send her out of the Village, she'd be targeted immediately, regardless of where in the Elemental Nations she disappeared to.

Hiruzen blinked.

Anywhere in the Elemental Nations...

Hadn't the Yondaime once mentioned how he'd helped out some reckless redheaded guy who fought with a staff? Hadn't that guy said something about being from outside of the Elemental Nations? In fact, hadn't Minato said something about being compared to a blonde vampire sentenced to 'an average school life'?

That sounded like the perfect 'punishment' for her. Away from the glares, away from the world that called peace a 'temporary ceasefire'.

He hated to say it, but he was fairly certain that Konoha was not a place for little Asuna to grow up in.

Suppressing both the urge to sigh heavily and to smirk triumphantly, Hiruzen opened his mouth again. "However, since this seems to have become a standard request, I must acknowledge the discomfort that the Jinchuuriki's presence generates." He frowned, nodding in a very serious way. "Therefore, I will make arrangements to see her removed from Konoha until such a time when we can ascertain that the Kyuubi is not poisoning her mind."

The council glanced around at each other. Some were elated at being rid of the hated girl, others were hesitant at letting a weapon such as her run free to be stolen by another Village.

"Do not worry." Hiruzen continued. "She will not be transferred to a place within the Elemental Nations, she will not be used against us by our enemies. I will make the arrangements personally."

This drew quite a bit of murmuring. Nobody really talked about what lay _outside_ the Elemental Nations. As far as most were concerned, there _wasn't_ anything outside, so to hear the Hokage come close to admitting having heard of something from there was a bit shocking, even for the ninja present.

Regardless, they were quick to agree.

Hiruzen didn't know if he should smile at his victory, or cry over what had become of his beloved Village.

XXX

Uzumaki Asuna was quickly renamed Kagurazaka Asuna, because it wouldn't do for someone from her homeland to recognize the famous Uzumaki name and begin to connect the dots. No, better to have the anonymity of an unknown name.

The fact that this was the second time she'd been depraved of her original name was both ironic and sad.

Namikaze Asuna became Uzumaki upon her father's passing in an effort to hide her away from his many enemies. Uzumaki Asuna became Kagurazaka upon her exile from Konoha to keep her from being connected with them.

Sadder still was how he'd been forced to erase the girl's memories in order to say with certainty that she wouldn't be revealed as a Konoha citizen.

Memory removal was... sketchy work, and Inoichi had ended up being forced to simply build a very thick wall in her mind in order to keep her memories at bay. The wall didn't effect what the body did however, meaning that she still spoke, still ate, still breathed, still walked. She was just... horrifyingly empty.

It was like watching the perfect ninja that Danzo always insisted that they needed, molded out of a five year old girl.

He didn't think he'd ever forgive himself for that.

In comparison, her exile to the place called 'Mahora' went off without complications.

She was picked up by a man that reminded Hiruzen a bit of his own son. Only this man had glasses, and he made the rugged look feel remarkably distinguished in a way that he didn't think that his son was capable of.

He called himself Takamichi Takahata, and he promised to look out for her with a face that made Hiruzen absolutely certain that he wouldn't let any harm come to her whilst he still breathed.

XXX

Hiruzen returned to Konoha with the news of the Jinchuuriki's safe removal.

He was more or less greeted with a festival.

And so he gritted his teeth, and wondered what had become of his beloved Village.

XXX

Takamichi wasn't really sure what he was supposed to do with the dead-looking little girl, never having had any kids of his own, or knowing anyone who'd recently become a parent.

Still, he tried to do his best, and she seemed to like the bells he'd gotten her. They also made it a lot easier to know when she was coming – it was a bit disturbing how silent she could be when simply walking around the house, and it was nice not to find her standing there watching whenever he turned around.

Unfortunately, her expression didn't really change, and so he tried his best to find out what she enjoyed doing.

Until the blessing that was Ayaka made her presence known at her first day of school.

Takamichi grinned happily at the memory of the immovable little girl getting into a fight with a distinctly displeased expression. Any progress at this point was good progress.

XXX

Asuna's first meeting with the young boy that would later become her teacher didn't go over very well.

The boy said something unforgivable to her – never get in between a girl and her love life – and then she was told that her interactions with Takamichi would be even further lessened by his arrival.

Needless to say, Takamichi was amused to remember her first encounter with her rival Ayaka.

Perhaps Asuna was simply unable to give people a good first impression? Did that reflect poorly on him as her guardian?

Dismissing that thought before he got distracted, Takamichi happily greeted the youngest of the two children born of Ala Rubra. Though not the only two raised by them. Did that make them something like cousins by association?

Heh, that'd be fun to see their reactions to.

XXX

Time moved, much like it has a tendency to do, and Asuna grew to care quite deeply for the annoying little midget of a wizard.

She still didn't understand her apparent immunity to all things magical, but she figured that she shouldn't be questioning useful things, so she didn't bother.

Konoka finally brought Setsuna out of her shell, and Asuna got to see an image of Takamichi when he was younger. Like, almost Negi's age, younger. He looked kind of cute, but the man that had been his teacher looked better. He was her type, after all.

It was also becoming apparent to Asuna that Negi shouldn't be allowed within ten feet of women at any time. Ever. He was just too damn good at accidentally seducing them.

Of course, considering that he was the homeroom teacher of 3-A and a teacher at an all-girls school... he was kind of doomed to be chased by all things female. Which was somewhat amusing, whenever she managed to avoid getting involved in it all. Which was rarely.

She was also starting to suspect that he was getting _way_ too much training with kissing. Especially considering how he'd been fairly talented when he started.

Asuna suppressed a blush at the memory.

But Negi was driven, wanting to follow in his father's footsteps, and it didn't take long before they'd all managed to get themselves caught up in a search for the man who disappeared.

It also didn't take very long for that search to go wrong, and suddenly they were spread out across the Magical World, and then Negi joined some kind of gladiator tournament and went all weird-dark in a way that she was completely convinced wasn't healthy.

Then, she was knocked out in a fight against one of those girls following that Fate guy around, and her brain went all wonky, as if she was dreaming.

XXX

She dreamed of a Village where people jumped from roof to roof, and where the fashion looked distinctly peculiar, though not all that dissimilar to Kaede's ninja garb.

She dreamed of a kind old man in a sea of glares, dressed in a robe and wearing a funny hat.

And finally, she dreamed of a giant monster made from fire, sealed behind massive bars, and snarling angrily at her puny form.

Then she dreamed of something different.

She dreamed of hunting, of chasing, of catching smells on the wind, of the ground beneath her paws, of her twitching ears picking up all sounds worth hearing, of a man with red eyes, and of absolute rage and madness.

She dreamed of blood and fire, of chains and unbreakable trees, and of those accursed red eyes.

Then it spoke to her, the monster of fire and blood, and Asuna heard a name that she remembered but couldn't remember.

_Uzumaki_. It resonated within her, but left nothing in its wake.

The monster spoke to her, expecting her to know it, expecting her to respond to a name she knew nothing about.

And so, for the first time in Asuna's life, she heard of her parents.

Of a woman with red hair and green eyes, of a man with golden hair and blue eyes. Of a woman with a brash attitude, of a man with a breathtaking intellect. Of their attempts at keeping her safe in the face of the impossible.

Asuna sat there, listening, and ignoring the tears that fell from her eyes.

The fox didn't care of her emotional turmoil. It just disliked not being recognized, and the rest seemed to tumble out by itself. Her feelings mattered not to it, because it wasn't such a creature as to be moved by such things.

But it was moved by power, and when it found its claws unable to touch her, found them almost dissolving whenever they came close to her, it howled in furious frustration, until finally Asuna got sick and tired of listening to it all and pulled out her Pactio card.

So, ignoring the bars, Asuna jumped into the fray with a reckless abandoned that would've made Rakan shed tears with envy. She was an idiot after all. And she had a reputation to keep.

XXX

She was freed from her captivity by her insane classmates, and she laughed along with them when finally Fate's plans to rewrite the world came to a halt.

But she remembered now, her days in Konoha, and she'd seen through the fox's eyes how her parents had stood tall to protect her newborn form. She was still Asuna, would always be Asuna, the girl that she'd grown into becoming, but she would be forever changed, because she had seen her family, she had known the love of her parents.

Of course, once they'd finally beaten the big bad guy, it turns out that he might've had a point after all. But Negi, being the genius that truly only he could've been, just grinned victoriously and told them that he had a Plan.

Asuna was notably hesitant about Negi's plans simply because they usually either ended up with her getting stripped in front of Takamichi, or Negi being chased through the corridors by girls trying to strip him. But it was a good plan this time.

They twisted the rewrite of reality, took advantage of Negi's brilliant understanding of Magia Erebea, and more or less completely broke through causality by making it absorb itself and thereby power itself so that it could absorb itself to power itself, in an endless circle that actually ended up somehow generating _more_ power than had previously been present so that the 'real illusion' could continue existing indefinitely.

Because they were class 3-A and even their teacher was too crazy to bother with pesky laws of physics.

XXX

Mahora was calm.

Well, that was something of a subjective truth, what with it being Mahora, and Mahora never staying calm for long before something insane happened. But it was calm in comparison to the final boss fight and subsequent saving of the world that Ala Alba had lived through.

Negi had found his father, having locked himself within the mechanism of the Magical World in a last ditch effort to delay the seemingly inevitable end. His wife had been very pleased at the man's idiocy having failed to kill him once again, and had celebrated by dragging him away and calling over her shoulder that it wasn't impossible for Negi to become a big brother, still.

Negi had in response been a nervous wreck for almost a month, before Eva had pity on him and pointed out that even if she _did_ get pregnant with his younger sibling, it would still take her another nine months before Negi would even have to consider dealing with it.

Absurd a motivation though it had been, it had served its purpose in calming Negi down. Though, he could still be seen reading books about proper childcare, every now and then.

No, they were happy with their adventure, and it'd ended happily for all those present. But Asuna still wondered about the Village that she remembered, the place that her parents had called 'home'.

She'd asked Takamichi about it, and he'd told her that he didn't know much at all about that place, other than how to get there, and that she would be better off asking Nagi about it.

Asuna who was noticeably hesitant about relying on anything that may crawl out through the redheaded idiot's mouth, was in the end defeated by her own curiosity. And if it killed a cat, then she could feel guilty about it when it happened.

There was a certain gleeful cheerfulness over realizing that she didn't have to be as smart as Negi and think everything through, and that sometimes it was easier just to jump straight into it without pausing. It was also, notably, sometimes a lot more dangerous, but she was pretty resilient so she figured that she could take it.

XXX

Ala Alba barely let her mention the idea before they began to pack their bags.

It was annoying, how they immediately decided to accompany her to visit the home of her parents, but it was also reassuring.

She wasn't sure where they would be going, she wasn't sure how long they'd end up staying there, and she wasn't sure what kind of reception would greet them. But Ala Alba would stand at her back, and she wouldn't be alone.

The thought made her smile.

Hopefully though, Ayaka wouldn't be convinced that she was kidnapping Negi in an effort to seduce him... again... damn shotacon! Couldn't she see that Asuna was just acting like a proper 'big sister'-character by making sure that the stupid brat didn't get himself hurt by doing something reckless?

Asuna huffed in a distinctly peeved way, still not entirely sure of how she was going to explain this new trip to her old rival and kind-of-childhood-friend. It wasn't as if they could take the rest of the class with them, after all. Supposedly the 'magic' that they used over there was open for all practitioners, meaning that Negi might get turned into an ermine if he helped expose them to the world.

Not that he hadn't accidentally exposed magic to most of his class already, and yet still somehow managed to slink by punishment.

Either the guy was secretly really really good at avoiding the law, or the law just thought that punishing him would be too much like kicking a puppy. It would just get the law in trouble for being mean to him, or something.

Oddly enough, Asuna thought that this was a perfectly reasonable explanation for his avoidance of punishment, but that could easily be explained by having Negi turn his big, teary, puppy eyes on you. It was hard for anyone to find it in themselves to resist an attack of that level.

XXX

"You know... I think we should've perhaps seen this one coming." Asuna pointed out reasonably.

"Mwahahaha! Flee you pathetic maggots! I'm free! Free!" Eva continued laughing in a distinctly evil way.

"B-But I couldn't just leave her there..." Negi tried to reason.

"I'm not saying you didn't do the right thing, brat. Just that we should've seen it coming."

"Oh, come on Asuna! What's life without a few surprises!" Asakura grinned, making sure to capture every moment on film.

They'd finally managed to break down Evangeline's seal, and she had in response started to hunt down all the teachers who had given her shitty grades over the years.

Asuna wasn't really surprised, or in any way disappointed with her lack of kindness. She was Eva, of course she was going to get revenge for every little slight against her. She was an Evil Mage, it was probably in her job description to do so.

Negi was feeling a bit guilty about it, but it wasn't as if she was planning on taking over the world or anything. Hell, she wasn't even really hurting any of the teachers, just making sure that they would never again dare call her 'cute'.

XXX

The Elemental Nations looked a lot like Japan in general might've looked like without cars.

Haruna was disappointed as this meant that she wouldn't be able to use the Paru without drawing a lot more attention to themselves than they were comfortable with. Chisame was more worried at what appeared to be a lack of electronics.

And so it came to be, that they stood before the walls of Konoha.

They were some impressive walls, Asuna had to give them that, even if she couldn't really imagine them being any use against anyone who decided to attack – she'd gotten used to Eva and Negi's power-levels and couldn't really bring herself to remember that other people couldn't imagine two people capable of blowing up a mountain by accident.

"Names and purpose of visit?" The guard asked in the dead voice that can only come from endless boredom.

"Ah, I'm Namikaze Asuna, and I'm visiting the home of my parents." Asuna said simply, letting the other thirty students introduce themselves.

"N-Namikaze?" The guard stuttered, staring at her face with an obviously stunned look.

"It was the name of my father." Asuna explained.

"Negi-sensei! They've got people walking on the walls! That's so cool!" Makie's voice could be heard from somewhere in the back, just as enthusiastically optimistic as always.

"Ah! Master! Don't attack anyone!" Negi tried to hold back Eva from beating up the guy who'd just dismissed her favorite age-illusion for security reasons.

"Let go of me boya, I'm going to teach the little snot some damn manners!"

"Yay! Cut him up Master! Let his blood rain from the sky!" The little doll following her around laughed delightedly.

"What do you mean 'what's a computer'?" Chisame demanded from another guard – they'd called for reinforcement due to the sheer number of names that would need to be written down.

"Ojou-sama!" Setsuna called out in her usual worrying way.

"Geez! Call me Kono-chan, Set-chan!" Konoka responded with a pout.

"Kotaro, don't make me involve Chizu-nee!" Natsumi threatened the dog-eared boy who was making things complicated by refusing to stand still.

"Not the leeks! Anything but the leeks!"

Needless to say, it was chaos.

XXX

Hiruzen Sarutobi stared at the group in front of him.

When he'd sent her away, he hadn't really considered how he'd be able to call her back, should something of vital importance occur, but had brushed the thought off as inconsequential to her getting a decent childhood.

And now she was back, and she'd brought almost twenty people with her.

They all looked different ages, and some looked very much like there was something messed up with them. Like the boy with dog ears, or the talking doll, or the small girl leaking Killing Intent, or the young boy being called 'sensei', or the girl with metal ears and a perfectly blank face, or the dark-skinned girl carrying some manner of metal pipe, or the female samurai.

In fact, in comparison to the rest, the ninja and the martial artist both looked fairly normal to him. And that didn't include the large number of what seemed to be civilians.

All in all, Hiruzen was happy that Asuna had so many friends, even if he was a bit uncertain as to what exactly a few of them were.

"I'm glad." He finally admitted, interrupting the fidgeting of some of those who'd been escorted here. "It looks like you made a lot of friends, Asuna-chan."

The girl in question straightened imperceptibly. "Yeah." She nodded.

There were some quiet murmuring coming from the foreigners' escort as they tried to remember anyone by the name of Asuna that might've been related to the Hokage. A few of them seemed to be drawing blanks, whilst the eyes of the others widened slightly.

The Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi had returned.

"You know," the little girl leaking Killing Intent drawled slowly. "I'm getting kind of thirsty..."

The boy called sensei gulped nervously. "Ah, Master..."

She grinned, showing off sharpened fangs. "Oh, is there something you'd like to say boya?"

"Oi, Eva-chan, stop picking on Negi-baka." Asuna interrupted.

"What was that Namikaze? Did you say you wanted to be blown up? Frozen over? Die by suffocation?" The little girl inquired with a dark smile, still leaking that same old Killing Intent.

The effect was really quite impressive, making several of the chunin present shiver.

Asuna just smiled. "Eva-chan, who broke your seal?"

The little girl opened her mouth, supposedly to say something scathing, then she snapped it shut and turned away with an angry huff.

Asuna's smile turned into a victorious grin.

"Asuna-chan, that was mean." One of the apparent civilians told the other girl with a scolding tone.

"Hey! She started it!" The redhead spluttered indignantly.

"That doesn't mean you should say such things." The brown-haired girl told her with a pointed look.

Hiruzen was mildly amused by how not only was Asuna looking a lot like a scolded puppy, but the female samurai next to the civilian was staring at the brown-haired girl with what seemed to be utter worship. It reminded him a bit of a scene in the Icha Icha series.

Hurriedly suppressing that thought before his nose began to bleed and he gave himself away, the Sandaime took in all the foreigners gathered here.

"You're all welcome to stay for as long as you wish, as long as you don't violate any of Konoha's laws." He told them.

"Does Konoha have any laws against blowing up random mountains?" Asuna asked in a slightly absent way, whilst eying the little girl and the young boy warily.

"That's..." Hiruzen paused, thinking over the question. "We have a law about defiling the monument." He gestured to the four faces carved in stone. "But I don't think there's anything in there about other mountains... as long as nobody risks getting hurt in the blast zone..."

"Ooh! A Challenge!" A girl carrying a camera declared boldly.

"Yeah! Aniki! Don't lose to the blood-sucker!" The ermine on the young boy's shoulder suddenly yelled out, shocking those who hadn't thought it a Summon.

"Oi! Stop doing insane things!" A redheaded girl with glasses yelled out, glaring at the two who'd been implicated in participating in the 'blow up mountains' challenge.

"Aha! A chance to test myself!" The martial artist did a pose. "I shall not be outdone by Negi-bozu!"

For some reason, Hiruzen had terrifying flashbacks to Gai.

"Quit it already you dam muscle-brains!" The glasses girl was sounding a bit hysterical by now.

"Everyone. Please cease this contest." The girl with the metal ears finally spoke up, her voice a soothingly cold tone, almost completely emotionless.

There was a pause as everyone turned to her, a few looking like they were posed to argue.

"My Pactio." The girl pulled out a card, interrupting whatever anyone else wanted to say, and holding it up so that it could be seen.

Everyone paused.

"Well, damn... I guess there's not really any contest against _that_, is there." One of the girls sighed.

"Man, no fair. So overpowered." Another one voiced their opinion.

Hiruzen was now visibly intrigued. Not only did it appear that some of them were actually _capable_ of blowing up a mountain, this girl with metal ears had just managed to declare that none of the others would be able to keep up with her.

On an unrelated note, this 'Negi' seemed a bit relieved at the challenge being canceled, which might be related to how he called what would've been his opposition 'master'.

It was all making the Sandaime wonder just what their actual ages were, because obviously, a ten year old shouldn't be capable of blowing up a mountain. Or even be _expected_ to be capable of blowing up a mountain.

Then again, actually asking such a question would probably be somewhat rude... Ah, politics, what a horrible thing.

XXX

Hiruzen sighed heavily as the emergency council meeting filled with the outraged voices of the civilians.

The Jinchuuriki had returned. 'It' once again walked among them without control.

Of course the council was going to be upset about it, how could he have ever deluded himself into thinking anything else? Damned idiots.

Asuna's strange companions were also a subject of some debate.

They weren't members of Konohagakure, they were obviously affiliated with the Jinchuuriki in some manner, and so this was clearly a coup of some sort and the group should be immediately brought before either Ibiki or Danzo. Preferably Danzo.

God but he hated that man.

No, Hiruzen didn't have quite enough political clout to simply get away without allowing the Jinchuuriki to be tied down in some manner.

This left him with a few options. Either he could declare a law that she wasn't allowed to leave Konohagakure, or he could force her into becoming a part of their regular military, or he could give her over to Danzo for him to deal with.

The lesser of three evils was quite obviously to somehow convince her to join up as a genin, but how he'd manage that, and what he was supposed to do with her numerous companions... well, he really didn't have a clue.

Still, he'd be forced to at least try.

He'd recently found that he hated politics almost as much as he hated paperwork.

XXX

Asuna tried to ignore the way her eye was twitching as she made her way to the Academy.

The Hokage had wanted her to at least try out for genin, if for nothing else than to get the council members off his back about it. Normally, she would've most likely told him that she really didn't care about becoming a shinobi, but then she remembered that he'd been the one to send her away from Konoha, to Mahora, to her friends.

So, on account of becoming even with the old man, she would at least give it a try.

In an interesting series of events, the Ala Alba had quickly found itself spreading out to various places and people that intrigued them in some manner.

Ku Fei had been seen in the company of some guys running around in green spandex and shouting at the top of their lungs. Kotaro had gotten into a fist fight with some dog-like guy a few years older than him, and were now good friends with his family. Konoka was driving the medic-nin at the hospital insane with her 'impossible' usage of magic. Chamo had found some orange books and was now rarely seen without one, despite several attempts at burning said books. Evangeline was amusing herself with terrifying people everywhere, much to Chachamaru's hesitant objections. Chisame had locked herself in her room, refusing to come out without Negi present to literally drag her out of her 'haven of rational reality'. And Negi along with Nodoka and Yue had found themselves a new library, and could usually be found there.

All in all, they were settling in reasonably well...

Still, they hadn't planned to make their trip here into a permanent one, and nobody appeared to really have any plans to stick around. Then again, they were class 3-A, they weren't all that good at planning _anything_. Ever.

Sighing heavily at the insanity that was her friends, Asuna opened up the door to where the teams were supposed to be divided into.

She was actually rather thankful that Hiruzen had taken her claim of already existing competence to heart, and allowed her to skip the whole 'Academy testing'-part of the genin exam. She seriously doubted she would've made it through any kind of written test that they might've provided.

After all, she was an idiot. And proud of it!

XXX

The masked jounin who'd arrived three hours late had asked them to introduce themselves.

The black-haired boy whose name was Sasuke glared and told of his 'ambition'. The pink-haired girl whose name was Sakura showed herself to be a fangirl. And then it was Asuna's turn.

"Namikaze Asuna." She started out, ignoring how several of those present blinked at her surname. "I like my friends, Takahata-sensei, Negi-baka, and Mahora. I dislike Negi overworking himself, homework, things that require a brain, and when my classmates annoy me. My dream is..." She trailed off in thought for a moment. "For everyone to live happily. My hobbies are..." She paused, tilting her head. "Crap! I seriously can't remember! I've been too caught up in all this insanity to actually have a _hobby_!"

With that exclamation, Asuna curled up in one of the corners in a over-dramatic display of depression, whilst sobbing quietly to herself about how her stupid classmates never gave her any free time.

All present stared at her with various degrees of disbelief.

Sasuke thought that she was a foolish person who knew nothing of sacrifice. Sakura thought that she was obviously not right in the head. And Kakashi was wondering just what kind of life his teacher's daughter had lived through.

Regardless, Kakashi declared the purpose of the next test, gleefully savoring the horrified looks of his students-...

"What? You guys didn't know?" Asuna stared at her two future teammates.

"Ah, right. You never joined the Academy, did you?" Kakashi mused.

Asuna shook her head. "No point. I wouldn't be able to use this 'chakra' stuff of yours anyway." She admitted unashamedly, remembering her utter failure at learning ordinary magic. But then she paused again, frowning slightly. "Though I suppose that the Kankaho might count as something similar to that, now that I actually think about it."

Sure, Magic Cancel was useful when you wanted to punch Evangeline on the nose, but it was still kind of sad that she wouldn't ever be able to use spells because of it.

"Wait, you can't even use _chakra_?" Sakura spluttered out in shock.

"Hm? Not really." She absently brushed off the girl's shock.

"What use are you if you cannot use chakra?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her in a sneer.

Asuna paused.

Asuna slowly turned to face the annoying shit-head who'd just dared to call her 'useless'.

She wasn't exactly sure what her face looked like at that moment, but she was fairly certain that she was channeling an Eva being called pipsqueak.

"Oh? I'm of no use, am I?" She ignored the way that the jounin had apparently twitched for a kunai from her raw hostility. "I suppose you believe that you can beat me, don't you? Duckbutt?"

Sasuke bristled at her new nickname, and quickly shot to his feet, clearly intent on accepting her challenge.

That was when Asuna's current housing exploded.

Everyone flinched at the sound, but only Asuna knew exactly what had happened.

"Oh, goddammit! I can't leave them alone for _four hours_!" She growled angrily. "I'm going to beat the shit out of them!"

Then she launched herself off from the rooftop, that just so happened to be about six stories off the ground, landed without any issue, and took off at a speed that would've left Gai at the very least vaguely impressed.

This was not counting the fact that she'd apparently unsealed a gigantic paper fan as she fell, and that she was holding it a lot like one would hold a sword... if they were skilled with its use, and the sword was as tall as they were.

Noticeably, she hadn't use any chakra whatsoever during her descent.

Sasuke was looking conflicted, not enjoying having his opponent run off on him, and yet somewhat hesitant on fighting someone who could do such things without involving chakra to augment their body.

Sakura was confused by what had just happened. And Kakashi was wondering whether or not he should actually pass them at all, considering that he was growing ever-increasingly certain that the redheaded girl wasn't really interested in becoming a ninja or serving Konoha.

The fact that she apparently took after her mother's personality – and that Kakashi had some seriously traumatic memories in regards to the Bloody Habanero and her temper – really didn't make him any more enthusiastic about being in her vicinity for long stretches of time.

XXX

Sometimes, Asuna wondered at the lengths to which the Kyuubi would go to for seemingly no reason.

She'd had her memories sealed, and instead of using that as some manner of leverage, the Kyuubi had raged and roared and fought against the blockade in her mind with such passion that it'd turned her Immune.

The Kyuubi had given her Magic Cancel, completely by accident, thereby making any of its possible escapes utterly impossible. She couldn't draw on its chakra in the manner that it needed her to do in order to break free, and if anyone else tried to break it out of her, there was a high chance of it simply dissolving as the supernatural construct faced off against her Magic Cancel at point blank range.

Really, it must've been the most insanely ironic thing that'd happened in the history of the tailed beasts. Not that Asuna cared particularly about this, as she normally just attributed it to the Kyuubi being an overly intelligent moron. Which was a lot worse than to be an enthusiastic idiot, or a regular idiot, or even an overly intelligent idiot. Idiocy was totally okay, Rakan had said so himself.

Admittedly, Rakan was quite possibly the single most untrustworthy source of information that existed – with possible exception to Haruna or Chamo – but that didn't stop him from being _right_!

Still, she'd learned other ways to reach past the boundaries of what a normal human could do, much to Chisame's despair. The Kankaho was perhaps not the single most efficient usage of energy out there, but it wasn't by any means a bad one either.

This was what she considered as she chased Kotaro and Negi around Konoha, wielding an oversized paper fan, and yelling at them about how they should stop blowing up their only residence.

Konoka had been mostly amused, Eva was still chuckling gleefully as she watched chaos spread in that delicious way that all Evil Mages enjoy, and Chisame was crying over how they'd managed to blow up the generator – thus leaving her without her precious electronics.

Needless to say, Ala Alba continued to confuse the citizens of Konohagakure.

XXX

Kakashi was late again.

Somehow, Asuna didn't really have it in her to be surprised.

Still, she'd learned not to trust what her teachers told her – she'd after all been trained by the ever-sadistic Eva – and so had eaten a very satisfying breakfast before arriving at their meeting place. And Asuna could admit to being petty enough to smirk evilly whenever Duckbutt's stomach growled.

Thus, when Kakashi finally deigned to show up, Sasuke was close to vibrating in restrained anger, Sakura was glaring with extreme hostility, and Asuna greeted him with honest relief as the savior of all things book-related, as she'd been forced by her English teacher to do her summer homework if she had spare time – which waiting for her sensei counted as.

Kakashi once more flinched internally as he realized her dislike for books, in no small part due to being treated to a flashback of her mother. Her insanely violent mother that was fully capable of leveling a city-block if she got angry enough. The last Hatake might have liked the Bloody Habanero and the way she made his old sensei smile, but that didn't mean he wasn't absolutely terrified of her and her semi-annual attempts at either giving him a haircut, or stealing his mask.

Actively suppressing a shiver at the memories, Kakashi smiled happily at his potential students, lying blatantly in regards to his lateness, before giving them the instructions for the day's test.

Their skill at the Academy showed, as his students disappeared into the bushes. Oh, he could still sense them, but they were genin and horrifically outclassed, so that was only to be expected.

Except Namikaze Asuna, who was cleaning her ear with an obviously disinterested expression, standing exactly where she'd been standing during his explanation.

That was a bad sign.

"You're supposed to hide, you know." He pointed out to the girl.

"Why?" She looked at him funny, obviously confused. "I'm supposed to be fighting you, right? How can I fight you by running away?"

And didn't that make a whole lot more sense than it ought to? Kakashi mused to himself. "Do you really think you can take me on, face-to-face?" He asked instead, not wanting to concede her point.

Asuna tilted her head, considering this for a moment, before shrugging recklessly. "I won't know until I try, right? And it's not like you can be worse than Eva."

Kakashi had just enough time to blink at this, before his instincts got him to move.

Kakashi's one eye widened perceptively as he stared at the gouge in the earth right in the place that he'd moments ago occupied, and where the redhead's gigantic sword had passed.

_Where did she get a sword?_ Was the question that for some reason wouldn't leave him alone as he began weaving through her surprisingly skilled attacks. He'd seen her pull something out of her sleeve, and then she'd said something, and then she'd been holding a gigantic sword that she swung around as if it was a feather.

There weren't a lot of kenjutsu specialists in Konoha, being a shinobi village more focused on ninjutsu – with a few exceptions – than sword techniques. But here was Asuna, showing amazing skill, wielding a sword that could've belonged to one of Kiri's Seven Swordsmen. And she'd already admitted that she couldn't use chakra.

It was insane.

Kakashi put some distance in between them, deciding against trying his skill with a kunai against a sword, and began to make signs that would craft genjutsu to confuse her.

She ignored them.

Kakashi stared in disbelief as all chakra that touched her skin was immediately nullified. In fact, it rarely even made it that far.

Again, he jumped back, but this time he paused, trying to evaluate exactly what had happened.

"You cancel chakra. That's why you can't use it?" He guessed out loud.

Asuna stopped as well, a wry grin on her lips. "Pretty much."

"How can you move around like that without channeling chakra, anyways?" He asked curiously.

She shrugged. "Practice." Her grin grew wider, a battle-crazed expression if he ever saw one. "And I still have a long way to go, 'cause I'll be damned if I let that crazy old bastard out-idiot me!"

And then she was charging, and Kakashi wondered briefly what in the hell his sensei's daughter had been subjected to, for her to believe that idiocy was something to be proud of.

XXX

Ninjutsu didn't work, genjutsu didn't work, the girl was _good_ at anything physical, and Kakashi was starting to wonder if maybe there was some truth to the rumors that several of her friends had seriously considered a contest in blowing up mountains.

Because if this was by any stretch of the word 'average' then those friends of hers must be monsters of some sort.

Unfortunately, his test had sort of gone down the drain, what with Asuna proving capable of actually matching him, meaning that there didn't seem to be any incentive to join forces with her teammates. The teammates that were too busy staring in awe at their fight to bother with trying to back her up.

It was almost enough to make him want to punch someone.

XXX

XXX

**A/n: Don't really know where I was going with this one, only had this idea that Asuna has red hair and Kushina has red hair, and somehow this popped up. Inspiration is weird like that.**


	4. Tori Springfield

Tori Springfield

Summary: Harry gets raised by Negi Springfield as a little brother. Unknowing of his true name, Harry still gets called to Hogwarts.

Genre: Humor, Adventure

XXX

He should've been left at the doorstep to the home of his aunt. Instead, something nobody could've expected happened to Harry Potter. He got lucky.

Have you ever tried to drive a motorcycle whilst carrying a baby? It's a lot harder than one might originally assume.

This isn't because they're heavy, or extremely unwieldy, as much as it is the fact that driving a motorcycle demands a grip with _both_ hands on the handlebar. Combine that with the need to cradle the small sentient creature in your arms, and you will most likely crash into a wall.

Now, even if its true that air-born magical motorcycles don't work in quite the same manner as their more mundane ground-bound cousins, they're still certainly not an ideal way of traveling with an infant.

An infant that for some insane reason decided that he wanted to struggle at _right that moment_.

Harry Potter would never develop a fear of heights. This wasn't because he was immensely brave, or completely in control as he fell like a rock through the air, but rather in large part related to him being an absolute idiot with little to no self-preservation instinct.

As his aunt Asuna would later claim, intelligence will only really get in the way of what idiocy can solve easily. Everyone called her bias when she said it, but nobody who'd met Rakan would even dream of arguing the point. Except Chisame, and that was mostly due to habit.

And so it was that in the middle of the night, a child fell from the heavens – and a half-giant sunk into depression as he would not be able to find the boy even after spending the next three days seeking for where he landed – only to be snapped up by a rather confused magician.

Negi Springfield had been having a rather normal day, he'd spent most of it running away from the girls who kept insisting that nobody ever bothered to check if the _boy_ was legal, and that sex was perfectly okay for a fifteen year old.

He might be willing to admit their point, having read enough studies to say that it was hardly unheard of, but that didn't make him any more accepting of it. He'd managed to keep his virginity intact from his enthusiastic students for over five years already, and it had become somewhat ingrained in him to just leg it whenever one of them tried to strip him.

It was bad enough that he'd ended up kissing each and every one of them, and quite a few of them repeatedly, because he was damn well not going to get into trouble for going any further than that. He was a gentleman! Gentlemen weren't supposed to lose their virginity to more than a dozen girls throwing themselves at him on the day he turned thirteen – there'd been some insistence that it wasn't illegal if they'd hit their teens.

Still, though he might really not approve of being stripped at random times, he could admit that he'd accidentally done it to them enough times that they were probably even by now, and he loved them all dearly. Thus, his nightly flight on his staff wasn't due to one of the girls trying to sneak into his bed – this time – but rather because it felt like a nice night to enjoy the stars on.

Then a baby dropped into his lap.

Negi was understandably confused.

Still, he couldn't see anyone flying above him, and he couldn't imagine why anyone would be flying around with a baby in the first place, so Negi did the sensible thing and aimed his trusty staff homewards, hoping to get an opinion on this new and horribly confusing matter from one of his reliably idiotic advisors.

It would take him an hour to convince them it wasn't his kid and that he was still a virgin, it would take him another two to get the girls from cooing over the kid and actually give him some damn advice already.

After four hours, it was decided unanimously – Negi didn't get a vote, since the situation was too amusing to his former class for them to listen to his boring sensibility, which they felt they got enough of from Chisame, who they never bothered to listen to either – that they were going to raise him as their own, and teach him everything he needed to know.

Chisame felt a distinct shiver run down her back at the gleam in a few of the girls' eyes.

XXX

Five days later, the Ala Alba finally had a name for the child in their midst.

Tori Springfield was named after the one who'd brought him home, and the bird that he'd apparently been pretending to fly like. His many, many aunts would never let him live that down.

Thankfully for the child, he was young enough that he was tickling the girls' maternal instincts in a distinctly platonic way, as they'd gotten very good at stripping cute young boys from all their practice on Negi.

XXX

Negi sometimes wondered if he was extremely lucky, or if he was the most unlucky person on the face of both worlds. He loved his wives dearly, yes; he loved his adoptive little brother a lot too, yes; and they all loved him back in much the same way, yes.

The problem was that his wives were... well... not in _singular_. This was a problem, not because of any grammatical incorrectness, as much as it was because Negi had spent the last week catching what little sleep he could get in his office. Away from the bed at home. Far away from the bed at home. The bed that never allowed him to sleep. Ever.

He might be capable of going several days without sleep due to his transformation at the hands of the Magia Erebea, but that didn't mean that he could handle being physically... active, for a month straight, with _thirteen different girls_ who all wanted a piece of him _at the same time_.

He prayed that Tori would never have to experience the madness that came from accidentally acquiring a harem, but unfortunately for his peace of mind the green-eyed boy had been sort of raised to mimic him.

Tori had managed to worm his way into the hearts of twelve different girls at his daycare center – including the matron – by the time he was five. And he hadn't gotten any better at avoiding it with time, despite how Negi had gone to rather extreme lengths to keep him out of the corrupting influence of Chamo.

Chisame claimed that Negi himself and his gentlemanly ways had been the corrupting influence, but she'd been smirking at him whilst she said it, so Negi wasn't sure if she'd been serious or not.

Regardless, Tori Springfield was growing up to be a charmer worthy of his family name, and Negi hoped that the boy would at the very least not inherit the Springfield-trouble-gene. Though, considering how the boy had been found angelically playing and hissing with poisonous snakes, Negi wasn't going to hold his breath.

Negi paused, sorting through the mail to find something rather peculiar.

A letter addressed to one 'Mr T Potter-Springfield'.

Negi frowned thoughtfully, trying to remember if he'd ever heard of anyone named 'Potter' and how they might be related to Tori.

It was also addressed straight to Tori's room.

That settled it. "Ala Alba! Tori inherited the trouble-gene!" He shouted for the assistance of his wives.

Both Tori and his snake friend were amused, chuckling together in a hissing sort of way.

XXX

It took them a day and a call to Headmaster Konoe to get an idea of what the letter actually meant, and to learn of the society slightly-to-the-right-of-normalcy hidden away with magic in Britain.

Negi was surprised at not having heard of them before, but was somewhat placated when he realized that they were considered to be so backwards that nobody really bothered with them anymore. Though, apparently they'd had quite a bit of bad things happening to their society in later years, even if Konoe couldn't find out exactly how or why.

Grumbling about lack of information, the Ala Alba had nonetheless set out on their search for the reclusive magicals, deciding that they'd managed to find the Thousand Master, and this couldn't possibly be _that_ much harder, since at least now they knew where to look. They'd even found a rumor of how the Leaking Cauldron in London was an entryway somehow.

Of course, Tori came with them, since Negi wasn't a hypocrite – he'd faced more obvious dangers himself at the same age, and Tori had managed to survive for almost a minute against Eva, even if he _did_ spend most of that time running away and hiding – and they wanted to find out exactly what this hideaway-wizards wanted with their youngest member.

XXX

Tori stared warily at the rundown pub named the Leaky Cauldron.

He'd managed to sneak off into rather dicey establishments previously – he got along rather well with both Rakan and Chamo, as long as girls weren't involved, because then those two would always start acting weird – but he'd really been expecting something a bit more... magical.

It wasn't hard to guess that Tori had originally belonged to the recluse society, which would answer both why they contacted him for 'magical schooling' and why they called him by a name that he'd never heard of before. The question really came down to whether or not Tori cared at all about where he came from.

He'd lived a happy life; chaotic though his aunts, his big brother, his super-idiot of a father – Nagi didn't visit regularly by a long shot, but he still dropped by from time to time – and his own odd brand of luck had seen to make it.

He was loved and he loved in return, and he never had to worry about becoming bored. Truly, he had the best of two worlds, and now this weird letter had shown up and he might be risking that happiness for something else.

Tori wasn't really looking forward to it, but Negi had spent so many years actively seeking for his own father, that he would feel... 'unworthy' of calling him a brother if he didn't at least see the place his biological parents had lived in for himself.

Asuna thought he was being an idiot. Then she grinned and patted him on the head, saying that at least he bathed regularly. Negi had proceeded to glare petulantly at her.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Tori nodded to the rest of those accompanying him, and made his way through the pub's door.

The inside was just as dirty as the outside, and it was all lit by candles for some idiotic reason, but it looked like they'd hit the jackpot, because everyone inside were dressed in robes, and a few of those present were rather obviously not human.

Evangeline started to chuckle darkly.

Everyone else wondered briefly why in the world they hadn't argued against letting her come, then Tori pulled on her sleeve with a pleading expression, and the fourth wife of his brother merely grumbled something about 'adorable idiots' and settled for pouting in place as the others moved forward to get information.

Tori smirked victoriously, knowing that whilst Negi was the one they all loved, he was the one they all let get away with things, and he was pretty sure that was way better.

"Excuse me," Negi asked the bartender who was staring curiously at their group. "might I ask where one might find some information about 'Hogwarts'?"

The bartender blinked, obviously startled. "You're a bit old to be a muggleborn." He stated bluntly, confusing all those present.

"Ah, well." Negi looked a bit thoughtful. "Actually, my little brother got a letter, recently..." He waved his hand towards Tori meaningfully.

"Oh?" The bartender craned his neck to get a look on the polite young man's brother, and found something he really hadn't expected to see.

Black, unruly hair, green emerald eyes, and casual-looking muggle clothes. The boy met his eyes with the assessing gaze of someone who's a lot more used to dealing with thugs than a child ought to be, before he tilted his head and his hair parted to reveal an unscathed forehead.

No scar at all, and yet he looked just like James, except for Lily's eyes.

It'd been a combination of Evangeline getting annoyed at it and Konoka getting determined about it, that had finally forced the scar into oozing black tar and disappearing. It'd taken them almost an entire day, Tori had been four at the time, and the scar had long since healed.

Of course, Tom the barman didn't know that, and simply wondered just how closely related this kid was to the Boy-Who-Lived if he managed to look _that_ much like the boy's parents.

"Right, well, I'll show you through to Diagon Alley. It's just around the back." He motioned with his hand, before leading them away.

XXX

Tori wasn't sure what he felt about Diagon Alley. On the one hand, it seemed to be filled with crazy people in robes; on the other hand, it was definitely an experience.

Tori met a goblin for the first time, and wondered if they had family in Mundus Magicus, or if they'd all hidden away along with the rest of the crazies. It was a disturbing thought, that an entire species would hide themselves away from pretty much all contact, to the point where even people who were used to the bizarre thought of them as nothing but myth.

Still, it turned out that his biological parents had left him quite the sum of gold, meaning that they wouldn't have to exchange all that money to crazy-currency, which Tori thought was a good thing.

The robes were easy enough to get, as were most other things, even if the bottomless bags were somewhat startling. But then came the wand-maker and Tori began to honestly wonder if these people weren't actually insane cultists that had been sealed off by _the rest of the world_, rather than hiding themselves voluntarily.

Wands didn't choose squat. They were magical, they were used to channel magic, they could be cursed, and Tori was pretty sure that even if they were sentient by some obscure twist of fate, measuring the space between his nostrils wouldn't in any way aid the insane person's attempts at finding a wand that 'chose him'. It was all enough to make Tori start twitching a little, much to Chisame's vindictive amusement.

XXX

"Platform 9 ¾?" Tori stared at his ticket in disbelief.

Chisame was too busy gloating at not being the only one pissed off at the abnormality that was actually the world to particularly care anymore, Evangeline was vaguely amused, Negi was confused, Asuna was wondering why they would name it so stupidly, and Yue was frowning at not being able to find anything on it with her artifact.

Yue was very proud of her horribly-unfair-to-any-classified-information artifact, and being unable to pull information out of nowhere was almost enough to make her go on a crusade against the 'Wizarding World' in order to fix that.

Tori was just upset in general. Not only was he supposed to be going to a school out in the middle of nowhere for several years, he was supposed to spend it with people who must be fantastically crazy. And whilst Tori might not mind idiocy and insanity, there were limits to what he could accept before he began pondering on how to drown people and make it look like an accident.

He might be an elven years old, rather average student, but he was on good terms with Part-time Detective Yue, and he was pretty sure he could figure out how to circumvent her many ways of tracking people down. And if he could dodge _Yue_ then he could dodge _any_ law enforcement _anywhere_. The woman was terrifyingly good at what she did.

"Maybe it's hidden, like Diagon Alley was?" Nodoka guessed.

"Makes sense." Tori admitted with a sigh. "Damn, if this keeps up, I might snap and start killing people before the end of the first school year."

"I'm sure you'll be fine." Konoka patted him on the head, smiling comfortingly down at him.

"Oh, don't worry, they'd never find enough evidence to convict me." Tori smiled back at her.

Setsuna groaned. "Tori, please don't kill anyone at all." She pleaded. "And stop corrupting ojou-sama."

"It's 'Kono-chan' Set-chan." Konoka pouted at her lover. "And he isn't corrupting me at all." She sniffed haughtily.

"Yeah, she is much better at corrupting people than I am, Setsuna-sensei." Tori grinned at the woman who'd taught him to fight – everyone else were either too insane or too bad at holding back to really teach him anything when he was a kid.

Setsuna sighed and muttered something along the lines of "Don't I know it." before shooting him a fond smile and stepping into a halfway hug with Konoka.

They'd just made it to the platforms 9 and 10, and were considering the area for anything that might be related to ¾. Which didn't take long, as Evangeline pointed at a pillar and told them that Asuna wouldn't be able to enter it.

Thus, it was decided that Konoka, Setsuna, Asuna, Chachamaru, and Chisame would be staying back, whilst Evangeline, Yue, Nodoka, and Negi joined Tori on the other side in order to say goodbye.

Chachamaru and Chisame stayed back in large part due to electronics behaving erratically in the presence of the crazy people's peculiar brand of magic.

Not everyone were there, but then, Ayaka would most likely have tried to stalk him onto the train, and Tori had a serious suspicion that Chamo had hidden away inside of his trunk. He loved them all dearly, but they had other things to do, and he'd gotten fairly adjusted to not being swarmed by thirty girls who were all trying to hug the stuffing out of him. Marshmallow Hell indeed.

Wandering casually into what looked a lot like a solid wall, Tori found himself staring at the old steam engine painted in bright red, wondering briefly if everything in their culture was so far behind the times. Chisame would've been scandalized.

"Huh, nostalgic." Evangeline commented as she emerged to stand next to him. "Didn't think I'd see a train like that again."

Yue was paging through her artifact, trying to find anything on the train, and finally cried out in triumph.

"Hogwarts, a History." She exclaimed with a grin that reminded those present a lot more of Haruna then the bookworm's usual expression.

Nodoka smiled at her friend, patting her on the shoulder in acknowledgment of her abilities at finding things, as everyone ignored her. Not because they didn't care what she had to say, but rather because everyone knew that she'd get their attention very easily the moment she found something worth commenting on.

It didn't take them long to find Tori a compartment and stuff his trunk away, and soon he was leaning out of the window, saying his goodbyes to the rest of his family.

By the time the train finally sped away, Tori again found himself wondering at what would await him once he arrived.

XXX

A redheaded boy had passed by his apartment, but noticed his book and recoiled back into the corridor in a display of book-phobia that Tori honestly found rather impressive. Not even Asuna would react quite _that_ violently to the presence of a book.

Then, sometime later, a boy came around asking for his toad. Tori tilted his head at the nervous-looking boy and decided that he should probably help him.

Scrying wasn't something he was good at, being more in aunt Anya's territory, but it shouldn't be that hard to locate a toad on a train, should it? All they had to do was follow the corridor in the general direction of where the scrying told him that Trevor the Toad was.

Neville, as he introduced himself, was impressed.

"My aunt works a lot with scrying." Tori explained with a shrug. "I'm not very good at it, but it should work for a general direction."

"Your aunt is magical?" Neville asked, obviously curious as to why he was wearing 'muggle-clothing' in that case.

"Yeah, most of them are." He admitted casually, before pausing. "Though they use a somewhat different kind of magic, I believe."

"Different how?" Neville continued their small-talk as they made their way down the train.

"Well, it involves chanting, for example." He started. "And then there's Setsuna-sensei's paper-spells. Which are really cool, but that I never managed to figure out. My big brother can use them though, even if only barely... damn geniuses being unfair." He wasn't bitter, it'd just become a reflex to growl casually over not having been born with a super-powered brain.

"Chanting? Paper?" Neville looked confused, and Tori got the feeling that he was probably rather nervous that there was going to be a test on things he'd never heard of before on their arrival.

"Like I said, different magic. Don't think it's taught at Hogwarts." He tried to placate the nervous boy who didn't at all sound like he was part of the crazy cult that had been locked away in obscurity by the rest of the world.

"I see." Neville looked relieved. "But how does it work?"

Tori blinked, tilting his head in thought as he tried to remember Setsuna's explanation. "You take a bit of paper, and you channel magic into it. Sort of." He finally admitted sheepishly. "I was busy trying to breathe at the time, didn't pay as much attention as I should've..."

"They tried to teach you magic before Hogwarts?" Neville sounded both fascinated and scandalized.

"Sure." He shrugged. "Like I said, it's a different kind of magic. My brother started learning when he was..." He tried to remember what he'd heard. "I think he was five. But he didn't really learn to do a lot until he was nine, when he started teaching."

"He taught when he was nine?" Neville gasped.

"Like I said, genius." Tori found a proud smile slip across his lips. "Still got his ass handed to him by Eva, no matter what he says – that sneeze was obviously a fluke – but she's on Rakan's level, so comparing anyone human to her is unreasonable." Let it not be said that Tori didn't enjoy picking fights with his brother when it was funny.

"Eva? Rakan? Human?" Neville was starting to get a little bit lost.

"Eva is another one of my aunts. Rakan is an idiot who believes that it's normal to come back from the dead as long as you feel like it. Not that he wouldn't be able to do it, the annoying bastard." He commented, absently recalling his meetings with the perverted old man. "And well, they're kind of ridiculously strong. There's no better way to explain it."

"Hahaha! That old man has good taste in women!" Came a perverted cackle from his pocket.

Tori hung his head with a sigh. "Hello uncle Chamo, weren't you forbidden from coming on pain of death?"

"Hah! Nee-chan will never stop me!" The perverted ermine declared as he scurried out of the pocket he'd hidden in and up to perch his shoulder. "I couldn't leave Aniki's little brother alone, could I? Besides, I'm sure there'll be tons of girls around, and I still need to teach you a few tricks!" He pulled out his signature cigar.

"I'm not entering pactios with anyone." Tori glared at the ermine. "I know better than to put myself in Negi's position."

"Pah! He's living the dream, Tori!" Chamo glared right back.

"Then why does he look like death warmed over?" He raised an eyebrow at what might easily be considered the cause for his brother's problems with females.

The ermine paused, considering this for a moment, before shrugging. "He needs to train his stamina more. Or get a lot more efficient with his fingers."

Thankfully for Neville's innocence, the boy didn't seem to understand what the furry little critter was insinuating. Unfortunately, Tori had spent enough time around Haruna to have a very good idea of it, meaning that he buried his reddening face in the palm of his hand and groaned at the image. "I did _not_ need that image."

Perhaps a large part of the reason for Tori being against flirting with girls was that his personal 'the birds and the bees'-speech had been given to him when he was eight, by a drunk Rakan, a completely wasted Konoka, an enthusiastic Haruna, and a giggling Chamo. There'd been diagrams. Tori had spent the next three months with a never-ending blush. He'd also gotten drunk for the first time, which had pissed off quite a few of his aunts.

XXX

They found Neville's toad with a few Seventh Year Hufflepuff girls. They thought Tori being overly polite and apologetic about their interruption to be rather sweet, as Tori unconsciously channeled Negi's charm at them.

It wasn't _his_ fault that he'd been raised as a gentleman. And if he'd actually known where his attitude would get him as far as women went, he would've been quite rude instead. He _did not_ want to follow in his brother's footsteps into an accidental harem.

Neville tried to mimic Tori's polite speech, clearly deciding that Tori was a good role model for being nice to people. Neville was after all, raised to be a kind and gentle boy, politeness was only sensible. The girls thought this was rather cute when combined with his obvious shyness.

Tori didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, having gotten rather used to pretty older girls smiling at him. Negi's fault, really.

Chamo did his very best not to chuckle ominously as he imagined all of those potential pactios that he could trick the slightly naive young boy into. He also made a mental note to find some manner of recording equipment in order to convince the others back home that Tori had gotten _himself_ wrapped up in a romance between several females, and that Chamo was perfectly innocent.

He was willing to resort to lies and misquotes if he had to, it just needed to _look_ authentic.

XXX

"First Years! First Years over here!" A large man called out as they got off the train.

Following the curiously large man – he looked easily bigger than Rakan, which was a new level of bizarre – Neville and Tori found themselves at the edge of a lake. And above them loomed the mysterious outline of what could only be Hogwarts.

Tori grudgingly admitted to feeling impressed, Neville was awed, and Chamo thought that the effect was a bit too blatantly overdone.

Getting into one of the boats, together with a girl with really messy hair – she actually reminded Tori a little bit of Yue for some reason, despite how their expressions were virtually complete opposites – and another girl with red hair that kind of looked a little bit like aunt Anya. When said woman wasn't pissed off at something Negi had said.

It was rare to find moments where the fiery tsundere wasn't in some way focusing her attention on her former classmate.

Hermione Granger and Susan Bones were the names that the two boys were introduced with, and to which they graciously responded with their own. Neville Longbottom and Tori Springfield, respectively.

His letter might've been written out to some 'Potter-Springfield', but Springfield was the name that he'd always known, and there was no way that he was going to let the crazy people convince him otherwise.

The boat ride was done in nervous, but rather companionable silence.

Then they were left by the large man with a rather stern-looking older woman. Tori had a few peculiar flashbacks to Chisame yelling at him for doing 'impossible things', and 'growing up to becoming an enemy of women', but he shrugged them off.

She couldn't actually yell at him from across the globe without phone-lines... could she?

His eyes darting suspiciously from side-to-side at the thought, Tori finally admitted that he'd _probably_ already be aware of it if the scary woman had found a way to rant at him, and managed to suppress his minor bout of paranoia.

Then people drifted in through the wall.

"Sayo-nee...?" He blinked, before shaking his head, blushing slightly as he realized he'd interrupted the ghosts conversation. "Ah, I'm sorry, it's the first time I've met any ghost that isn't Sayo-nee." He bowed apologetically.

"Oh? Not many have ghosts haunting their homes." A cheerful man-... ghost, said curiously.

"She haunts the school my big brother teaches at. She's really nice." He paused. "Kind of a scaredy-cat though." He admitted with a fond smile.

He might be polite, he might be kind, but he was a young boy with numerous big sisters to play with, and startling Sayo was usually entertaining. Even if he'd been given a stern talking-to by the ghost's unofficial guardian Asakura to make sure he didn't go too far.

"Indeed?" The cheerful ghost smiled at him, before politely excusing himself and disappearing with the other ghosts as McGonagall returned to the room.

Quite a few of the other magicals waiting to be Sorted stared curiously at him, him being one of the very rare few who hadn't been scared by the ghosts' entrance, and the only one who struck up conversation with them.

Then the Sorting Hat was carried out, and the old rag began to _sing_.

A part of Tori wondered what Eva and her 'daughters' might think of this unusual sentience in a piece of cloth, the rest of him wondered what the hell these 'founders' had been smoking to decide doing the Sorting in this manner. It sounded almost like it was telling them that you couldn't be both Loyal and Brave, or Ambitious and Friendly, or any other combination that should've been obviously present.

Negi was Brave, Intelligent, Loyal, and immensely Ambitious, and this Hat apparently didn't think that was possible which in turn made Tori rather antagonistic towards it. He loved all of his family, but he really only had _one_ big brother.

Then: "Potter-Springfield, Tori."

Tori raised an eyebrow at that, the crazy people's lists might be acceptable if that was how his name came out on all of them. Stepping out amongst the confused whispers of the Great Hall, Tori reluctantly donned the hat.

_"That's a very rude way to view us."_ A voice commented inside of his head.

Tori fought against the instinctive urge to rip the hat off and burn it with extreme prejudice. His mind was _his_, and anyone who messed around in there was going down hard.

_"Whoa, Mr Potter. I don't think that's necessary, I will not reveal anything I might find in your head to anyone else. It's part of what I am."_ The voice paused. _"Though I am admittedly curious to this magical training that you've received. It's quite unlike anything I've ever heard of."_

Tori actively tried not to think of how that was just because they were some kind of backwards isolationist cult who didn't even try to understand what the hell the magic they relied on was.

_"Yes. Quite rude, indeed. But I really should get onto Sorting you."_ The hat mused. _"Clever, and with an ambition to prove yourself, you could do rather well in Slytherin, I believe. But you're loyal to your family, and not afraid of hard work, so Hufflepuff might not be a bad choice either. Intelligent, but a bit too confrontational for Ravenclaw I think. Much bravery, yes, perhaps Gryffindor is the House for you?"_

Tori was feeling a bit annoyed, listening to the Hat, it sounded mostly amused by his general disgust at just about everything the Wizarding World had shown him so far. The mind-digging wasn't making it any better, and he had a distinct urge to stand in a shower for a very long time once this was all done with.

_"You want to prove yourself capable of standing next to your family. A high ambition indeed, but more an issue of loyalty and hard work than something to be achieved through cunning. So, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor? The House of the Brave, or the house of the Loyal?"_ Tori got the feeling that the Hat was actually asking him for his opinion.

Tori's opinion was that there was no point in being Brave if you didn't have anyone to watch your back.

The Hat almost seemed to smile at that, proud for some utterly unfathomable reason. _"I see. Then I suppose it ought to be..._ HUFFLEPUFF!"

Hurriedly removing the hat from his head, Tori fought down a shiver, before turning towards the table decked out in yellow, who was now applauding heartily at their new addition.

Crazy, the lot of them.

XXX

Tori met Susan Bones again at the table, and she introduced him to her childhood friend Hannah Abbot. Tori made sure to greet them both politely, and answered any questions about his name as well as he could.

His name had been Tori Springfield for as long as he could remember, until a letter calling him Mr Potter-Springfield showed up one morning. His family had been surprised, but here he was. No, he'd never heard of a 'Harry Potter', the Boy-Who-Lived, and he figured that 'Potter' was a common enough name that they might not be related at all. Yes, his family was magical, but not local, and used magic that didn't seem to be related to Hogwarts.

If he'd been Sorted into Ravenclaw, this would've either have gotten him lynched, or worshiped. Ravens tended to enjoy researching things, but sometimes they could become rather set in their ways. As it was, Hufflepuff latched onto something else entirely.

He had a ridiculous amount of aunts.

Though, technically, quite a few of those were his sisters-in-law, and the others were just very close friends of the family. Except maybe for Chachamaru, as she could be considered somewhere in between sister-in-law and niece-in-law, due to Evangeline – her sort-of-maybe-mother – being married to the same husband.

Not that Hufflepuff figured any of that out. They just guessed that Tori had a _lot_ of big brothers, all of whom were rather unknowingly charming.

Then Tori introduced his 'uncle' Chamo, explaining that he was his brother's familiar, and that despite his looks he was really just a perverted old man that shouldn't be trusted not matter what. Chamo got upset at that, but his inherent fluffy cuteness proved no match for the suspicious looks that were being leveled at him from the females around the table.

Tori knew that he'd probably take the flak if Chamo ever reverted back into his old habits – that Asuna had managed to drill out of him through vicious use of violence – and so felt little guilt at all about ruining the ermine's plans to peep on girls, or steal their underwear and get away with it.

Then Dumbledore got up and told them about the 'new rule of the year' of not visiting a certain corridor, apparently punishable by death, making Tori again question if this was really a place that he wanted anything to do with.

Especially once some Hufflepuffs commented helpfully that whilst the Headmaster was a great wizard, he was also quite mad.

Tori didn't really mind powerful crazy people. He'd grown up within visiting-distance of Rakan, he knew crazy and powerful could be kind of hilarious to watch. But you didn't put Rakan _in charge_ of _anything_, unless you were planning on accidentally causing enough collateral damage to wipe a small country off the map.

And this guy was in charge of _everything_? By Nagi's Idiocy, they were all doomed.

XXX

Tori wasn't impressed with his classes.

His teachers were obviously either incompetent or... _more_ incompetent, and every last one of them followed along with the usual behavior for their 'cult'.

McGonagall was capable of a type of magic that Tori had admittedly never heard anything of previously, but that didn't mean she shouldn't be professional about teaching it. She insisted that keeping an 'image' of how an object ought to be was of vital importance, but didn't seem to understand what he'd been talking about when Tori had asked if he was supposed to imagine the composition of whatever he transformed it into, or if he ought to simply demand that it change. He'd even been labeled with extra homework for 'interrupting her class with snark', which led to Tori smiling politely and silently vowing horrible vengeance.

Binns didn't seem to have any idea of anything beyond 'goblin wars' which sounded a lot more like propaganda than anything actually useful, not even including how he managed to put every single student in the class asleep within the first ten minutes. It was horrible, especially as history had always been something of interest to Tori – not in any small part due to his brother and their family's reoccurring presence in it.

Quirrell was teaching them Defense, by telling them through his stutter how to give each other minor inconveniences – which to anyone who'd managed to run away from Eva for an entire minute before getting frozen was insanely useless.

Sinistra showed them the different constellations of stars – which Tori could admit to being of some importance as a basic for the 'muggleborn' students, or anyone else who hadn't spent their childhood stargazing – but then refused to say anything about what uses such knowledge could find in magic.

Flitwick explained that doing a charm wrongly could cause unexpected side-effects, but seemed confused when Tori had questioned him on exactly how these side-effects had been cataloged over the years. Because it's always useful to know what doing something wrong could cause in every particular case. He seemed rather intrigued by the idea though, so perhaps he was simply a victim of the insane cultists, and hadn't gotten around to researching things properly with all of his own teaching.

Sprout's class was in large part acceptable, though his curious question on breeding out the poisonous fangs of certain plants had been met with some scolding. Apparently the magic within them was either in dire need of the plants having poisonous fangs, or the idea of selective breeding was considered somehow taboo amongst the insane cultists.

And then came Snape.

Snape, who insulted him, belittled him, and tried to mock him at every possible opportunity.

The man didn't even teach the class anything. He told them to do exactly what the book told them, and refused to believe that there was either a better way of doing so, or that someone might want to figure out why certain plants reacted differently to a potion than others.

Somewhere during their first lesson, Tori snapped.

"Excuse me Professor." The black-haired boy raised his hand, with a carefully polite face. "But are you incompetent, or just a useless waste of human flesh?" He didn't pause, as Snape's face turned red in anger. "You expect us to perform what is basically, highly risky chemistry, without either safety precautions, or an idea of what could happen should we do things wrongly? No warnings to do 'so' if the potion appears 'so'? You expect us to figure it out ourselves, possibly risking our lives in the process?"

Tori sighed, shaking his head. "No, I believe I will not be 'learning' Potions from you, Professor. Good day." Then he walked out of the classroom.

What did he care about getting a complete education in a place filled with insane cultists? He just wanted to see the world of his parents, not be insulted and ridiculed for being a possible relation to 'Harry Potter'.

Thus, he didn't care that he'd managed to lose Hufflepuff House all of 150 points during the space of ten minutes. Then again, his classmates – and anyone present during his dramatic exit – were willing to swear that it had been worth the House Cup to see the look on Snape's face.

Tori had been willing to agree, but he'd apologized to his Housemates regardless. They weren't all insane cultists yet, so he should make sure to treat them all like normal people.

XXX

**A/n: Normally, a Negima X-Over with Harry Potter being raised differently includes Harry growing up to be the second coming of Rakan. This story was aimed to focus more on how Harry would accidentally seduce most of Hogwarts, and maybe doing something a little cool at some point, if there was an absolute need for it, but not otherwise.**

**I got a bit distracted by having fun with classifying the Wizarding World as a bunch of insane cultists though, so I'm not sure how well I pulled it off.**


	5. The Three Musketeers and a Brief Snippet

The Three Musketeers + Brief Snippet

XXX

The Three Musketeers  
Kotaro "Murakami"

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

Story: [The Three Musketeers]

Summary: Negi, Kotaro, Fate, Fate's harem, and Tsukuyomi all returned to Mahora, this is their everyday life in drabble format.

Genre: Humor, Friendship, Romance

XXX

(Fight)

XXX

Eva took a sip of her tea.

It was a nice day, much like it always was at her resort.

Another explosion shook the ground.

Television was overrated.

Sure, it could be a very good way of making time move a bit more fluently, but it really wasn't all that entertaining.

_ This_ on the other hand...

Eva smirked to herself as lightning, shadow and earth clashed together once more.

The three of them had long since outgrown the possibility of fighting it out in some random forest, mostly due to the fact that they wouldn't have any forest left by the end of the first of their regular sparring sessions.

It was actually quite impressive, they were still so young, and yet they possessed enough power to force even her to get serious.

Fighting one on one had quickly been rejected simply because it would mean that one of them wouldn't be allowed to join in until they'd healed up afterwards. So, instead, they'd come up with this.

A brilliantly chaotic free-for-all.

The result was very interesting to watch.

It was a wonderful day, mostly because the explosions that tore apart the desolated part of her resort never actually seemed to stop.

Eva was experienced enough in life to be aware of things that attracted her, and one of those things were definitely power. Power to wipe out civilizations.

The only reason she didn't drag either of the boys off to the nearest bed – or some suitable alternative – was because of the girls they surrounded themselves with.

That, and that that dog-boy smelled kind of weird.

She could appreciate a well-made doll, but he didn't seem interested, and even if she could easily defeat the four magic-users who was trying to get into his pants in their own way... well, he had a clear protective streak when it came to them, and so it'd hardly work in her favor.

Frankly, even if she _hadn't_ already aimed her attention on Negi, she would've been force to do so sooner or later.

Of course, the problem with Negi was that despite her own status in the class, they would not yield with their stubborn protection until it could be proven without hesitation that he wanted to be hers, and only hers.

Eva took another sip of her tea as a mountain crumbled away.

To be fair, she could afford waiting.

XXX

(Argument)

XXX

"You're pretty dense, aren't you?" Fate took another sip of his coffee.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Kotaro glared at him from just above the tabletop.

"Kotaro, I don't think it's a good idea to hide beneath the table..." Negi trailed off, seemingly feeling conflicted about the whole matter.

"I mean that you're a clueless fool." Fate had never been the type to beat around the bush.

"What did you say!?" And with Kotaro suddenly standing halfway on top of the table, it just helped to prove that he'd never been the type that was difficult to provoke.

It was a miracle that the two of the them hadn't killed each other off yet. Then again, they were kind of hard to kill.

"Calm down Kotaro, I'm sure Fate has a good reason." That, and they were usually in the vicinity of Negi, who was always ready to act as a negotiator between them.

Kotaro glared down at Negi from his position, before sighing and taking his foot off the table, finally sitting down in an available chair.

"Why were you running away from her anyway?" Negi looked at him curiously.

"She kept on saying something about wanting to try out one of her theories on the usage of leeks..." The dog demon shivered visibly.

"'Usage of leeks'?" Negi tilted his head.

"It's an old wife's remedy of curing colds." Fate stated simply, though Kotaro was convinced that he'd seen an evil glint in his friend's eyes.

"Eating leeks, is?" The young teacher asked innocently.

"No. It's said that you should shov-..." Kotaro was quick to place a hand over the coffee addict's mouth.

"Let's just forget about it, okay?" His voice was unnecessarily loud and had a somewhat desperate tone to it.

"But what are you-...?" Negi was obviously trying to figure out what they were talking about.

"Negi, why don't you tell me what you and your class were doing in the bath yesterday?"

Negi suddenly became very quiet, a heavy blush spreading to his ears.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

Kotaro nodded solemnly. "There's your answer."

Having mutually decided to leave the subject of running away from very forward-oriented girls, they began to discuss more sensible things. Such as who'd actually be paying for Fate's coffee.

This almost resulted in an all-out brawl when Negi politely stated that he'd rather not dirty himself by paying for that terrible mud-water, the only thing that stopped it was that the young teacher had chosen that particular moment to accidentally seduce the barmaid and that she'd proven more than happy to pay for their drinks.

XXX

(Awakenings)

XXX

"Sure I can fight him into a draw, but what you're asking is suicide."

Yue looked at Kotaro critically. "I was just asking you to wake him up." She pointed out.

"That's what I'm talking about! Why do you think no-one signed him up for school!?" Kotaro flailed desperately with his arms.

"Because, as far as intelligence goes, he's on Negi-sensei's level?" Yue guessed plainly.

Kotaro blinked. "Are you calling me stupid?"

"I believe you are of average or slightly-above-average intelligence, for someone of your age."

There was a pause as the young boy allowed that to sink in. "This is why everyone keeps calling me 'muscle-brain' ain't it?"

"I would assume so." Yue nodded calmly.

"But that's not _fair_!" Kotaro whined.

"You can stand on par with both Negi-sensei and Fate in battle. It grows to reason that your intelligence would be compared to theirs as well." Yue elaborated.

"... I guess you've got a point... Still don't really think it's fair though..." Kotaro admitted with a pout.

"Well, it's usually said that nothing in life is 'fair', but we're getting off subject. Why won't you wake him up?"

"Because it's freaking suicide I tell you!"

"So you keep saying." Yue frowned a bit.

"Look, the reason no-one signed him up for school is because there was nobody stupid enough to try and wake him up on a regular basis! Including the dean!"

Yue blinked. "Why should the dean wake him up?"

"Because he'd suggested him attending school in the first place, and we figured that it was better him than us." Kotaro admitted with an unrepentant shrug.

"But it's almost _noon_!"

"Well... give him a few hours... someone usually drops by to leave a pot of fresh coffee by his bed at lunch..."

Yue looked at him for a while, searching for any sign that the boy was simply being lazy, before nodding solemnly.

"I understand. It can wait."

XXX

(Casino)

XXX

As the three boys had come to realize that they just didn't have enough money to get back to campus from where their adventure had taken them, and that they were still too physically exhausted after the big fight to try and get home without commuting, _included_ with the fact that Negi had lessons to get to and Fate apparently had some sort of ultra-coffee delivery that he needed to accept. They'd come to the obvious conclusion that they were going to need money.

The question had of course been on how they were supposed to get this.

That was, it _had_ been the question until they'd realized that they were in this one particular town in Nevada.

The casinos called for them, and so they answered.

Unfortunately for the answering part, Negi had quickly come to realize that he could not compare with Sakurako's supernatural luck, and that maybe he should simply sit this one out and hope that the others would do better.

Kotaro was seemingly trying to shake the dice into dust, hoping that it would make them more inclined to show the right number of dots, and failing quite spectacularly whilst doing so.

Fate, on the other hand, actually seemed to be making a profit. Though for the life of him, Negi couldn't figure out how. The expressionless boy was playing poker.

Negi had heard some people talk about poker, but he didn't know the rules. He was vaguely certain that it was a very difficult game, and the only time he'd come close to playing it had been back when Anya had tried to teach him something called 'strip-poker'. He remembered the event with a certain amount of dread as articles of clothing had been discarded in all directions, the only reason that he hadn't been stripped instantly for not knowing the rules had been because of a certain ermine being another player – and being _very_ intent on stripping the girl, rather than him.

With this experience still quite clear in his head, Negi had made sure to stay clear of the card game, instead intent on trying out the slot machines.

From what he'd gathered, Kotaro had chosen the game in which the most physical movement could be made. In other words, dice.

It was probably not the smartest of reasons, but since he'd guessed that he wouldn't stand a chance in _any_ of the casino's games, he'd apparently figured that he could at least try to train a bit.

Fate, on the other hand, had simply walked up to the poker table, sat down, and started winning.

Now that Negi had retired from gambling – instead trying to find a pleasant place in which to drink some tea – he could easily see that Fate was actually making enough money to compensate for their losses.

Somewhat relieved that they wouldn't be worse off than they were when they arrived, Negi tried to wave Kotaro over in order to speed up the process of making money.

After a few minutes, the dog-eared boy joined him by his table, looking not too much worse for wear – despite being substantially poorer.

Fate had attracted a crowd, and Negi found himself hoping that nobody would start trying to blame him for cheating, thus giving management a reason for throwing them out.

In the end, it didn't happen. But that didn't keep the casino from deciding that Fate had won far too much money than they were comfortable with, and that it wouldn't be all that bad for business to get a bit of muscle to ask him to leave.

Unfortunately, when this muscle showed up, declaring that it really _would_ be in his best interest to leave, one of the burly men had accidentally spilled Fate's coffee.

The two boys had been forced to drag their friend away from the place before he caused any more damage. Negi had been chanting apologies as they'd run for the door – hoping that the rest of security would be kept busy with trying to dislodge the coffee-spilling man's head from the slot machine.

They'd made enough money for the day.

XXX

(Valentines)

XXX

Natsumi could only stare in disbelief at the occupants of the home economics classroom.

Everyone from Chisame to Makie to Evangeline were there, and from what she'd gathered, they were all there for the same purpose.

To make valentine chocolates for Negi.

There were a few exceptions of course, Setsuna and Konoka were on opposite sides of the classroom, decidedly refusing to let the other come near, making it painfully obvious that they were not making them for any lucky male.

Asuna kept her mouth shut about who she was making hers for, which made her even more suspected of aiming for Negi. And, finally, Chizuru and herself were planning on giving theirs to a certain wolfish boy they happened to be living with.

Giri-chocolates only, of course.

The collection of the class wasn't all that surprising, especially considering that this was the way it always was, and so the reason for her shock came from another direction.

The four girls who'd recently transferred into the school.

Three of them seemed to be dedicating themselves to making coffee-based chocolate, whilst the fourth seemed like she was trying to both make coffee-filled _and_ normal chocolate.

Now, Natsumi wasn't completely uninformed, and she had a vague idea of why they were putting so much effort into making coffee to put in their valentines, but the way that they were making coffee was downright absurd.

From the look of things, either one of them could easily get a job at a café as some sort of 'expert coffee maker'.

The thought that not _one_, but _four_ girls could dedicate themselves to their goal to such a degree... it was something of a humbling experience.

Of course, one of those four was clearly having issues with prioritizing between the receivers of her two chocolate-batches.

Pointedly deciding to ignore the fact that Negi seemed to have captured the heart of even one of the members of Fate's personal harem, Natsumi turned to her own work.

She didn't have as many rivals as those going for their teacher, but the one rival she had... well, she had very big-... uhh... she was a force to be reckoned with.

XXX

Negi looked at the door in front of him.

He'd fallen behind with some paperwork over the last few weeks and had spent the night in his office trying to sort it out – he'd learned early on in his teaching career that there were a lot less distractions in his office compared to the room he shared with Asuna and Konoka.

Now he found himself staring at the door to his class. The crazily energetic class that he'd done enough pactios with that they alone could sponsor Chamo's expenses for the rest of his life – not that the perverted ermine wouldn't try to up the numbers given half a chance.

Negi had done a lot of training, and had faced many terrifyingly powerful foes, but right now he was seriously starting to wonder if he should really be putting so much trust into his normally accurate instincts.

Surely, it couldn't be _that_ bad to open the door?

Gulping audibly, Negi pulled open the door.

XXX

Kotaro looked at the boy in front of him.

"You look like hell. What happened?"

"Valentines happened."

Kotaro raised an eyebrow. "Who's this 'Valentines'-guy you're talking about?"

"It's a holiday, mongrel." Fate said calmly from his coffee cup.

"What the hell did you just call me!?"

The expressionless boy raised an eyebrow. "I called you a mongrel, you uncivilized mutt, why do you ask? Have those fuzzy ears of yours gone bad?"

"That's it!" Kotaro put a foot on top of the table, "You're going _down_, dolly!"

"Ah, Chizuru-san." completely ignoring the other two at the table, Negi waved at the older girl who happily waved back and made her way over to them.

After a politely brief hello to her teacher, she turned to Kotaro, who'd frozen solid at the mentioning of her name.

"So this is where you've been, Natsumi was really worried, you know." There was a small frown on her face to show how much she approved of him worrying her roommate.

The occupants of the table could only watch as Kotaro was pulled out of the café, looking all too much as if he wanted to run away and hide some more, but not daring to, less he truly anger the girl who was escorting him back to what Negi supposed was the scene of the crime – so to speak.

Negi wished him the best of luck, then he returned to his tea.

It'd been a terrifying day, and he hoped – quite desperately – that he'd see the next year's valentines coming. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to survive another chocolate-avalanche like that.

Either way, he knew without a doubt in his mind that he would have nightmares about this day at some point.

XXX

The dean stared in horror as another explosion rocked the ground underneath his feet.

Someone had tried to take away Fate's coffee-filled chocolates.

This was going to take so much paperwork!

The dean curled into a ball and hoped that the world wouldn't notice him. Or at least that his secretary would give up on finding him and learn to forge his signature, and do his job for him. It was so hard to find good help these days.

XXX

Chizuru watched the young boy as he failed to grasp just what he'd done wrong.

The sight drew a smile to her lips. It must be tough for him, men would struggle their entire lives without ever being able to figure out how the mind of a woman worked, Kotaro was ten, and he was already forced to deal with the infamous 'No, I'm not mad, why would I be mad?'-problem.

He was going to grow up quickly, of that she was certain.

Her fingers combed through his thick hair, making sure to scratch him behind the ears in the passing. Her reward for her dedication was a soft moan of pleasure.

As her smile turned into a grin at the thought of Natsumi hearing that sound and misinterpreting it, Chizuru continued to wash the boy's hair.

Negi had long since grown used to having his baths with the rest of the girls in his class – not that he still wasn't flustered, he just wasn't _surprised_ any more – but Kotaro had never really questioned it in the first place. The boy was quite comfortable with being in the nude, and didn't really see an issue with other people being in the same state, he had however, quickly picked up on that others might not share his liberated views on clothing.

Chizuru was quite certain that Natsumi had played a large part in this realization, a thought that turned her grin into silent laughter. The two of them had bathed together on a few occasions, and during most of these, Natsumi had been very insistent on keeping her towel wrapped around her – the few times where she hadn't bothered with it where the times when she'd been about as mentally active as an average zombie.

Unfortunately, taking a bath as a zombie tended to have some complicated results, like ending up straddling the boy who was trying to keep her from drowning.

Ayaka was growing ever more suspicious that Natsumi's family was seriously messed up – she was quite vocal with what siblings shouldn't do when they were in the nude – and Natsumi was starting to give up insisting that it wasn't like that.

Personally, Chizuru had come to view the boy as a little brother, something which was quite ironic considering that she'd come closer to it as Natsumi – the one whom she'd classified as his actual sister to the class rep – was becoming more and more aware of him as a love-interest.

Wondering briefly if Asuna was feeling the same way about their young teacher, Chizuru got up and moved towards the pool.

Kotaro had, much like he always did, said something to her shy roommate that had resulted in a somewhat spectacular explosion. She still wasn't sure what it was exactly, but she was pretty sure that it could be solved if Natsumi simply allowed him to explain his reasoning behind whatever it had been that he'd said.

It was usually like that, Kotaro opened his mouth without thought, and Natsumi couldn't follow his reasoning. If not for the fact that they both worried so much about it, it would've been very entertaining.

Chizuru glanced up at the window high on the immense bath's wall, smiling to herself.

Okay, so it was still funny. But she did try to be a peacemaker... most of the time.

The smile turned into a giggle as she recalled the day's events.

Natsumi, for once being surprisingly true to herself, had made him chocolate. Giri-chocolate – alright, so maybe she wasn't _completely_ honest with herself, but she was getting there. Of course, Chizuru had ended up giving him some as well – she'd been helping Natsumi anyway – and everything had gone smoothly until she'd opened her mouth and asked who's he liked best.

She had to admit, the boy could run.

The boy could run _fast_.

Quickly having realized that any actual answer to the question would be met with a negative reaction from one of the two girls, Kotaro had done the only thing he could. He'd run like the wind.

Natsumi might've teared up and run off somewhere – forcing him to search for her and apologize – if she'd lost, whilst Chizuru would've undoubtedly done something inventive using onions.

Natsumi had taken it as him not wanting to hurt her feelings, but Chizuru was fairly convinced that it was related to how he'd begged to be spared from onions when she'd finally found him hiding out in a certain café – the boy really should learn to hide in better places one of these days.

It was a little off-putting to lose to the shy girl so easily, but she supposed that was the difference between 'family' and 'lover'.

To the boy's obvious relief, she'd simply scolded him for hurting Natsumi's feelings, grabbed him, and then proceeded to drag him back to where she'd last seen the girl – thanking Fate on the way out for provoking him enough to reveal him to her.

Kotaro would probably get some sort of revenge on the boy, but she was quite certain that the expressionless coffee-lover would be able to handle it.

When they'd arrived, Chizuru had simply allowed nature to take its course. They always made up, one way or another.

Unfortunately, sometimes he only seemed to make it worse for himself whilst getting there.

As the young boy started scrubbing her back, Chizuru found herself feeling mildly jealous of her roommate. She might be able to spend time with him like this right now, but one day he'd grow out of baths like this.

Chizuru was guessing that it would be at about the same time that he started to truly appreciate being straddled by Natsumi.

She didn't mind giving this 'little brother' of sorts away to the girl, they'd be happy together, but she'd have to find some way to get him to give her massages from time to time. His hands were _way_ too skilled to give up on without a fight.

Giggling softly at the thought of how Natsumi would react once she learned this first-hand, Chizuru decided that it would be best for her to keep it a secret. After all, pleasant surprises were the best gifts.

XXX

**A/n: Useless trivia: the oneshot 'Bloodless' originally came from here, but sort of grew out of control. This story was later kind of scrapped after I realized that I cared far more for the chapter that turned into Bloodless than I ever would for the rest of it.**

**Oh, and I suppose I can include a funny scene that's been stuck in my head for quite some time now.**

XXX

Story: [Kotaro "Murakami"]

Summary: Kotaro is introduced to Natsumi's family. Who are normal, by the way.

Genre: Humor/Romance

XXX

"Umm... mom, dad, this is Kotaro."

How do you introduce the boy that has been living with you, that hasn't hit puberty yet, that everyone believes is a part of your family, and that you're head-over-heels in love with, to your parents?

Answer. Run. Seriously, why are you still standing there? Run away, seek amnesty in some far-off land and hope that nobody ever takes up the chase. Nothing good can come from this. Why, oh _why_ had she allowed Chizuru to talk her into this?

Because you want them to like him.

Natsumi suppressed the small whimpering noise that tried to escape from her throat as her parents shifted their eyes towards the boy next to her.

Hopefully, they wouldn't disown her. People didn't really get disowned for stuff like this, right? Right? Why are you looking me like that!? Stop looking! I'm not a criminal! I'm _not_! Uwaah! Save me Iincho!

Natsumi wondered if she smelled something burning, and if that smoke coming out of her ears was somehow just a stress-induced hallucination of some sort. She really hoped that it was just her imagination, because there was just no way that could be healthy.

"Ah, eh, umm... nice to meetcha'." Kotaro bowed awkwardly, proving that he was at least very much _trying_ to be polite and well-mannered.

Considering his wording, he was failing miserably, but hey, you couldn't have everything.

Unless you were dating Negi. That kid was just way to perfect for his own good. He'd get killed by women fighting over him before he even hit puberty. Poor kid. Really, no salvation for him. Let that be a lesson to all men, show character-flaws, otherwise you'll die.

Shaking off those thoughts before she got too distracted and accidentally blurted out something that'd get her hauled to jail – she'd never understand how Iincho could get away with all of that – Natsumi focused her attention on the two people responsible for her birth.

Take responsibility for raising me into a girl that can fall for a little kid! Dammit, that's not what I meant! This is just too weird! Make it stop! I wanna go back to Mahora! For another six years _at least_! Let him grow a bit! He'll be really cool! Sweep you guys off your feet! Totally awesome! See you then! Bye-bye!

Super-brake!

No! Talk now! No retreat! Charge blindly ahead! Like an idiot! Think Makie! Or Rakan! Think Rakan!

Blowing shit up is _great_! Negi fever!

Shit! Useless muscle-brain! Think Makie! Think Makie!

"Natsumi-chan? Are you alright? Your face looks a bit red..." her mom looked at her uncertainly.

"Uwaah! I'm in love with a little kid! Don't disown me, please! I promise I won't sniff his dirty shirts anymore! I don't wanna go to jail!" she started crying at the top of her lungs.

Great going there Makie. I'm so totally getting you back for this! Damn idiots! Don't infect me!

The three other people present reacted in three different ways.

Her father looked like he just fried his brain. Apparently, brain-frying was genetic, and she could totally blame him for all the times it'd happened to her. Good to know.

Her mother's eyes widened as she started glancing between the two of them, carefully measuring them with calculating eyes. See, definitely not from her side of the family. Totally dad's fault. Plan revenge at a later date.

And Kotaro looked torn between keeping her from bawling her eyes out, questioning her about that one part with the dirty shirts, and blushing himself half to death. He was _adorable_. She just wanted to hug him and never let go.

So she did.

Damn this idiotic Makie-mode! Damn it to hell!

Not that it was by any stretch unpleasant.

His dirty shirts couldn't even begin to compare. Totally outclassed.

XXX


End file.
